Dont die.

OH darn. i just realised i dont have notes on like 3 to 4 chapters for materials science cos i just woke up... from a long nap.. lol. (after coming home from so-called-lunch with yu lyn and bobo at temasek? @@)
GAH! isnt it a lil too late to realise it now?
=/
Thinking what am i suppose to do.
Go straight to the past year papers?
It would be too time consuming to go through those chapters one by one.. =(
Yet, those are among the chapters i dont understand the most. HEH.

Material Science

Haha. Yes I've Material Science Exam tomorrow.
No, Im not here to complain about it.

Nope, haven't finish studying. Only studied 2 chapters yesterday. YES. I know, amazing right. Out of... God knows how many chapters. Haha, dont worry la, i had short notes written on previous chapter. I just hafta flip thru em and do past year papers. Afterthat, it's all left to fate to decide whether i can solve the questions during the exam.

Anyways, that's not my main point. My main point is, I was watching this concluding lecture by professor Boey which i missed. WELL, i pretty much missed 80% of materials science lecture =P YES, i've been skipping. Cos there's lecture recording on the website and well, most of the time in lecture, i'd fall asleep. Besides, watching lecture recording allows me to study at my own pace. I can rewind and rewind and rewind again until i get what he's trying to say.

SOOO, i was saying, concluding lecture by professor boey. IM SO GLAD they put the video in as well. He's hilarious and darn, he managed to trigger my interest for material science alright. =D

LET ME TELL YOU THIS, material science was one of the subject i hated most when i first came into uni. Cos it's relatively new to me and i came in late and missed out the first few lectures. I just felt left behind and I started hated it. AND YES, i've done NONE of the tutorials. Not a thing to be proud of, but yeah.

The thing is, when we were taught about sth, we were given the mindset of, "WE'RE STUDYING THIS FOR EXAM. WE'RE STUDYING THIS SO THAT WE CAN GRADUATE. "
Or at least we were driven by that thought all these while.

WHY?

How come they've never told us, and relate all these to what's surrounding us?
It's just like, we learn calculus for the sake of learning it and passing exams. But nobody told us why we learn calculus. What are the applications and amazing things it does.

If only people start studying for the NOT for the sake of scoring for exams, instead, look at it more like, understanding what's going on and graduate with TRUE knowledge instead of scores. WHAT does scores prove?
Why are people so adamant about perfect CGPAs and all?
At the end of the day, what's left?

I mean, if u know what you are studying (I prefer to name it "learning" rather than "studying" though), it comes to you naturally.

At the end of the day, if you know what you learn, i think that beats perfect CGPAs who studied for the sake of exams.

To come to think of it, maybe those who score well at the end of the day, are those who weren't adamant abt their scores in between.
They believe in what they're learning and they only had to prove to themselves they are right.
Not to anyone else.

cos everyone is so kiasu. learning lose its meaning.

NightmareS.

i cant sleep.
having insomnia.
i had 2 nightmares in a row within an hour.

1st one, i felt suffocated. Both in the dream and in reality.
I really couldnt breath.

Then 2nd one was scarier. Thank god bobo called me. But gave me a shock also. It's like someone calling 5am.. Thought who's it.
But i was relieved to realise it's just a nightmare. Cos it feels so real and scary and the plot's like in the current hse im staying at and I WAS ALONE.

I think it's the coffee taking effect. i slept abt 4am.. my heartbeat was racing and all. Took me sometime to actually sleep. After bobo called, i didnt dare to sleep anymore and i locked the room's door. Hoping to feel more secure.
Grrhhh.. havent had nightmares for darn long a time.

So i stayed awake till bobo came, 5+am abt 6am. Then i was so awake talking to her till now. Now she's sleeping and i cant sleep. it's 7.36am now.

I slept for only an hour plus but im so awake. I cant sleep. And if I sleep, i just get nose block. I cant breath.

So what am I suppose to do now?

Heh, quite some stuff to blog abt but been lazy for the past few days. Not so much of lazy, more of distractions. Heh =P youtube etc... =)

Alright, i shall try to sleep. Since now it's bright and bobo's beside me, so it should be fine even if i get another nightmare right? TOUCH WOOD. Dont wana get another nightmare.

sigh. nose block!

3rd in a row.

Darn. 2-3 posts a day is not a good sign!

gurhhh. I dont know!
I feel restless. In a good way i guess?
excited? one more week... so long! =/

and yet tomorrow's physics. tried the past year questions.
as i've predicted and expected, open book exam also no use.
Usually open book exams are the difficult ones isnt it?
Tian xia na you na me pian yi de shi. =/

Neways, i shall go bath and probably try one more past year later and go sleep.
Gosh, dad's nagging again.

GOSH. I'm not even studying!
Urgh, the chillax jinni's back.

Darn. I cant be so lazy! WORK JINNI WORK!

It's such a HOT boring afternoon. Weather sux.
urgh, i decided to go changi to study now.

random

wei shen me wo xiang jie shou
how come i never inherit my dad's high IQ-ness????
lol.
que you hai pa ne?
cannot. i think i must eat more omega 3!

Dear God,

I have prayers to make.

1. Bless my grandma and hope her cancerous cell will be gone in no time. =)
2. Lead kevin out of the misery he's facing.
3. Let all the pain tara has faced to call an end before xmas.
4. Sprinkle blessings all over the Earth. Let my family and friends live happily and healthily.
5. May bobo find her hostel/hall room's card (key) by the time she gets back to singapore. I'm sure she has learnt her lesson. (BOBO, make sure u learn ur lesson and stop being so clumsy!)

6. Extend your guiding hands to those in need. Including me =) But help those who need it more first.

Dear God, will you hear my prayers? Will you make it come true?
Thank you for managing us human for so long. Lol.
San fu sai lei la... ^^
((((((((( I LOVE YOU)))))))))))

=P

Trust?

In life, there must be people whom u gave all your trust to, right?
Or maybe not.
Maybe not everyone's that lucky.
It's lucky to have someone to trust on right?

TRUST. It's such a strong word.
It means you believe, you show your entire world to him/her and leave nothing to hide.
It's a form of invisible power that leads the world to go on.
It means a lot.

How many people could trust a person fully?
If the person whom you trust lets you down, not only one time.
Will you still continue to trust?
Trust anyone else?

Trust. Could make you blissful. Could let you down.
But if one day, you loose faith and stop trusting..
How would the world be?

FOUND my matric card! =)

what a relieve. Like finally. After waiting for so long to get into the exam hall for the look for the lost and found.
AND SO, to dai lou Kiat: "Im not as clumsy as bobo! At least i know where i left it =P "

Feel much better. Got at least that bit of mood to study ady. But havent start yet =P

and i faced the same old problem again =/ I need to drink more water and stop turning to milo powder when i feel like eating.

wootsaaaa~ STUDY!
jia you! =D

In life, things doesnt always work out the way you wanted it to be.
That doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
Give it a shot and try to accept it the way it comes to you.
Perhaps you'll find it not too bad afterall.
And you'll learn sth out of it.

@ @

i feel kinda blur. and was a lil paranoid.
most likely cos my dad was asking me when's my exam this week, i said thursday.
then he's like, "oh, that's why u said u can go back last week is it... why didnt say earlier.."
Im like "DAD, i told u! when u were talking to mom otp and u even told her that! and u said mom said it's alright, dont need to purposely go all the way back for the jab etc. "
URGH. I could have gone back cos i didnt do any work after maths paper on friday anyways!
Mah~!
annoyed.
Probably cos i didnt do physics assignment either.
and also my MATRIC CARD! urghhhhh. I hope it's in the lost and found box in the exam hall like siew ping said.

Neways, woke up with muscle aches. ♥ it. havent had that feeling for long long time.

Im still feeling so blur. i dont know why. Not enough sleep? I just couldnt sleep properly. Perhaps not with all those in mind. Neither could I sleep longer.

SUPER DUPER BLUR. -God HELP me-

hungry..

i think i didnt only strained my left arm's muscle...
i think my legs and waist too. LOL

it's 2am.
fairly tired.
wasted another day not doing nething.

im thinking of read till i sleep
but im pretty sure once i open the book, i'll sleep.
tried too many times d la. =/

haha. neways good luck for ur test zuikok.
and good luck to my brother and cousins in SPM.
Hope they're doing well. =)

I MISS HUGS and am longing for one.

what is it?

what is this?
what's going on?

I AM SO JEALOUS! =P

AH! AH! AH!
lol. DAMN~
Nevermind. 3 more years. OR more?! =/

haha =D ignore me. Im all hyped up!
EESH. Due to certain reasons.
AAaaaaa.

Urgh. Alright gtg get ready. Meeting kiat in a while.

如果我变成回忆

My laopo's on the way back to ipoh.
lol.
Wont be seeing her for a week. =/ Goina be lonely i suppose.


Thankfully, I am in Tanah Merah now. There's gym, there's swimming pool, sauna, bla bla bla... to keep me occupied ^^ Plus, i can always go to my grandma's place when i feel lonely. =)
PIANO! Omgosh. When's the last time i actually touched one. I shall go over to ma ma's place tomorrow and for meals and PIANO! ^^


As much as the marginal utilities (eversince i studied econs, i just start using its term more and more) here's higher than of the Tiong Bahru's one... I do miss Tiong Bahru's small lil cosy hse =/


In the mrt, everytime it passes by Tiong Bahru station, i'd be thinking, this is a place i used to board... I haven't seen the house since the time I left w/o knowing Im not going back to that house anymore. =(


Eventhough I've only stayed there for a short while, the memories are precious. I guess that place will forever remind me how was it like when I first came to NTU. The horrible beginning of my uni life. LOL. Right from the very moment i had to go back to msia and come back to sgpore EARLY next morning. Gosh, I can still remember how I was sobbing while packing. ^^,

Humans. When you possess it, you won't realise how much it means to you until it has become a past.

Cos when it's around you, you cant's see yourself in it;

When it's gone, you see yourself in it in a third person's perspective.

I'm really lucky, in fact, i feel spoilt in that sense. For being able to stay at a nice place despite studying overseas, able to feel like home and spend money more than I do in Malaysia (=.=).

It's precisely what I pictured where I'd be if I were to choose Singapore instead of U.S.

When things come in an easy way, you tend to forget the fundamentals.

Maybe if I chose US, I'd be struggling, studying while working part time and realize what I'm currently taking for granted. (Or it maybe a totally different story) Haha.

=)

Nevertheless, I chose here. It was my decision and I wouldn't say it's a right decision cos there aint any CORRECT decision. But i'd say, it seems like a more optimal decision cos it's a huge sum of money I save in terms of tuition fees and living expenses. And my dad feels so tired of working already.

I'd like to have him retiring earlier if he can.

Pursuing my dreams overseas, that can wait. I will pursue it with my own efforts after I graduate from degree in uni.

I miss what I've missed. But time seems to be able to numb my feelings. I am afraid for I might not be able to remember how it once felt like anymore.

It feels like I'm at a midpoint of life.

In a middle of a HUGE, long highway.

I can't see what's far ahead of me, yet the past seems increasingly vague as time passes by.

I'm in the middle of nowhere.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

Hmmm. Okay, tomorrow's my first paper for first finals in my uni.
WHY?

How can I be so freaking calm.
NO, Im not well-prepared.
Im just. Feelingless. =.='' HAHA

Well, IF i were me last time, I'd be so freaking stressed out by now.
Right now, I could still watch a short drama with bobo. Makan pizza... and blog. Lol =P

But then, getting a reply from my mom after wishing her happy birthday was indeed a lil...urh...I can't find a word to describe it.
Her reply was "Thanks, study hard and get good results on ur exam"
Urh, it's not even good luck in ur exams, dont stress out urself, do ur best.
IT'S "GET GOOD RESULTS", it sounds like a command than wishing.
amboi, manalah aku boleh tak rasa stress untuk masa itu.

=( But i dont want to make myself stress out or study hard for the sake of making my parents happy.
If i wana study, i study for the sake of myself.
WHY cant my parents understand this. WHY cant they trust me on this.
WHY does studies and scoring good results become sth obligatory as a daughter.
-W-H-Y-
-S-I-G-H-

Now i guess, i know why i would get so stressed out if i were me last time.
But why am i calm now?
Is it cos i've already gave up?
Or is it just cos i've opened up myself to look upon further?
Knowing that there's no point studying for other's sake?

I dont know.. You tell me.

-现实-Truth-

"我真的很喜欢她的思想 好像一种鼓励一样 她比我勇敢"

Hahaha. Well, I don't think i deserve that cos' i aint that courageous. But really, thank you, it's encouraging. =)

That's indeed what i wanted whoever's reading my blog to feel like, not so much of feeling encouraged, but more of finding a peace in mind here. whether it's the music or layout or certain sentences...
Im glad i've actually done it unconsciously.

And thank you for regarding me as a special person. It means a lot to me and friends like that dont come along often. Hence, i treasure you. ^^ *hearts*

(I still don't know what made you feel good about reading my blog post, cos i thought it's more of ranting than anything else. Hmmmm.. and i've a feeling this is goina be a long post.)

I know I tend to be pretty philosophical sometimes. Coming up with phrases and all. And there's always this person who just hit me right on my face, either disagreeing or just not fascinated at all. Indeed, I dont like people disagreeing with me. Plus I'm pretty stubborn a girl. HAHA. Seriously, I admit. Of course, I've learn that, insisting is not persistence.

Ugly truth's not nice to listen to. Nevertheless, it's the truth. We all like to listen to those sweet flowery words. We'd rather lie to ourselves, blind ourselves with the pretty dreams and reluctant to see the truth which lies beneath.

It's like having expectations.

Chyi:

"when you're sad or angry, it's cos you'd expected better, or maybe things turned out totally unexpected, in a bad way.

when you're satisfied and contented, it's cos things turn out the way you'd expected it to.

when you're happy and delighted, it's prob cos things turned out better than you thought it would, in other words unexpected, but in a good way.

when you miss someone, it's cos you hope he/she is there with you. and hope, is a form of emotional and sometimes irrational expectation.

when you're disappointed with a movie, its cos you had certain preconception and checklist boxes you'd tick off. and what are they? expectations.

and when you wake up to a red sky in the morning, its scary and amazing and it makes headlines, cos you wouldnt expect to see that.

name me a feeling which doesnt arise from expectations."

When things don't turn out the way you wanted, or at least appear the way you wanted, you tend to refuse to give in. You tend to be reluctant to change your point of view, not to mention it takes some time. And how much time it takes for you to accustom to it, it all depends on individual.

In physics, this is call the "inertia" - the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in straight line motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force. -lol-

NONETHELESS, you're goina wake up one day, realising it no longer mean a thing to insist on sth u believe which aint the truth, aint reality.

-Insisting is NOT persistence-

谢谢你对我的现实

让我接受了这个事实

让我解放了自己

我不再痛了

Reality hits you hard on the ground, he says. Though I still strongly believe it's alright to dream. It's just a matter of striving a balance. Right?

it's a lazay sunday, sunny afternoon ^,^

i wish i am there.

But i know even if Im there, it wouldn't make a difference.

Bic Runga - Listening for the weather

So I'm listening for the weather to predict the coming day

Leave all thought of expectation to the weather man

No it doesn't really matter what it is he has to say

'Cause tomorrows keep on blowing in from somewhere

All the people that I know in the apartments down below

Busy with their starring roles in their own tragedies

Sunlight sends you on your way

And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday

Never be afraid of change

I'm calling on the phone

I hate to leave you on your own

But I'm coming home today

And this busy inner city

Has got nothing much to say

And I know how much you're hanging round the letterbox

And I'm sure that as I'm writing

You'll be somewhere on your way

In a supermarket checkout or the restaurant

I've been doing what I'm told

I've been busy growing old

And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Sunlight sends you on your way

And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday

Never be afraid of change

I'm calling on the phone

I hate to leave you on your own

But I'm coming home today

Yes I'm coming home today

Listening for the weather.

i slept at like 4+am yesterday.

surprisingly im not feeling tired.
maybe just not yet.

damn sien sia.
in library now.
didnt bring my laptop =/

stupid cisco cannot connect my hp to internet.
*pout*

everybody's not arnd..
and it's raining again.

i dont know what to do now. =/
im like waiting for sms msgs to come in...
But the phone just doesnt ring a sound. =/

although im missing out the hype, but at least i dont get hurt.

didnt i say, it's better to be able to just imagine and dream rather than keep telling urself that it's not happening?

Moving moving.

shifting house.
from tiong bahru to tanah merah.

Woke up in a larger hse today. (comparatively, it's larger than tiong bahru's though it's not comparable to seri aman heights' =/ )

and there was only me in the whole house. =(
the noises.. the nagging... all gone.

Hmmm. I guess i got the answer to my question. In a reverse way. Yeah.
I've been asking this question lately,
"If one day you guys woke up, realising that my existence was only a dream. How would you feel? Would it be a beautiful dream or is my existence a nightmare?"

It somewhat felt like past few days were just a part of my dream when i woke up. Especially when i woke up in a place 9 floors up with beautiful view and cool morning breeze.
Indeed, it felt like i was having holidays.

Im sorry dad and mom for not being able to help much.
zhe4 ji3 tian1 ni3 men3 xin1 ku3 le.
But i was so frustrated with my studies and couldnt bare my mom's constant nagging or talking at least, with my brothers argueing every moment and using my laptop at times...

At mama's place, with my family around. It totally felt like holiday. At least, it used to be so.
Cousins, singapore, tanah merah, food.. lol.
Now everything's reversed. Malaysia, big hse, 1U, desa aman puri, desa parkcity, collegemates... Now all THOSE are my holidays.

I'll just hafta get use to this fact.

Sigh, you know whenever im in MRT or walking, i'll have so many things that i wana write in the blog and when im HERE, i forgot everything that i wana write?
Eesh.

Anyways, final's starting next week. It's exam period. Woosh. WORK HARD ppl!
Lol. Tell me abt it~

SIGH, no internet at home yet! =(
AND I GOTTA GO! Im goina be stuck at home for 4 hours watching those ppl fixing the defects. =/

wana sleep also cannot. wana study also i bet i cant concentrate. Gotta pack my stuff anyways.
Till then. Toodoos.

P.S. I cant wait for exams to be over and holidays to come!! =D

Who says you don't have a friend? You have me. And you'll always have me. =)

Im fuckin pissed.

I never even dropped my LG phone once and i freaking took care of it as if it's more precious than my life!
They freaking dropped my phone! Thank god it's still alright, or else i'll f**king kill them alright.

I was already pissed at myself for that stupid usb cover, it's like a small flap and broke into half. It was still usable till i used superglue trying to stick them back. URGH. Everytime i mention about this i get freaking pissed off. I went to the LG shop today. Freaking useless ppl. Ask him if there's way to polish off the superglue stains. He did the stupidest thing ever. Urgh gosh.
And replacing that freaking small TINY flap costs $27.89!
-FORGET IT-

i'll just hafta accept the fact that the phone's like that and i cant change nething.
I was glad my dad didnt say much. cos i was so worried he'll say i duno how to take care of my phone and all, COS it's so not true!!!!
I freaking use the cover and always place it in the pouch.
AND so, to any of u who sees my phone in future, dont freaking mention about those stuff or say i dont know how to jaga my phone cos i'll be freaking piss. I swear.

*Breathe*

and i wasted so much of my time today to compromise for others. So, now im pissed at myself for not studying. URGH. monday got test and physics assignment due. AND i only have sunday left. I wanted to use my laptop to study but they just kept using my laptop.

ARGH.

ARGH

ARGH

ARGH

ARGH

*Breathe*

okay, let's talk abt sth happier. Well, i was excited to see my brothers and mom. Even felt like hugging my brothers. Which aint really possible. Cos it'd be weird.

and im really hoping he'll come down. Im really anticipating. But i dont want disappointments. So i'll keep my expectations to the lowest.

You see! Once im pissed off, that stupid thyroid is rebelling! I just cant control myself!
='(

SIGH. okay. "What has happened, has happened, there's no point sulking upon it. Might as well use the time sulking of it the come up with a solution."
That's what u said right Jinni?
Uush. Okay. Go study!

Toodoos.

Finish physics CA, 2 more to go, then finals!

woot~

Lol. I dont know why im hyper.
Muahahaha.
Eh damn happy leh.
thank god i didnt study much yesterday.
Cos study memang no use wan. Just need to understand the concept. Other than that, it really depends on u and ur brain on solving problems ady.

urgh. having slight period pain though. LOL. im like announcing to the whole world.
Alaa. it's normal wert. Dont tell me u never study science.

Im loving Johann Sebastian Bach--Brandenburg Concerto collections. ^^ ♥
and andre rieu ♥
and akim camara too!! ♥ so adorable. I was stunned when i watch this. Like really didnt breathe for a second! lol.
(muahahaha, i finally know how to type the symbol ♥)



Be amazed. Whoosh.
Well, he started performing when he was only 3! When we were lil babies, he could do such amazing stuff!
WHEN HE WAS ONLY 3...



Adorable huh? lol.

So if u watched the top video first and then 2nd, u realised how much he improved in terms of performance and maturity?? Com'on, talking about maturity of a boy from 3 years old to 5 years old?


Ain't it just amazing to have people like akim camara and emily bear?
Gosh. If i have only half of their talent, i'd be so grateful already!

woot~ relaxing time for me again~ muAHAHA! also means time to spend money. tsk tsk.

Dont u just wana spin around and dance in the air?

Before you listen to this,

STOP everything u're doing.

focus on nth but the music.

Feel yourself spinning around, floating in the air.

Aaaa...

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do ^^,

梦想

我堅持的　都值得堅持嗎?
我所相信的　就是真的嗎?
如果我趕追求　我就敢擁有嗎?
而如果都算了　不要呢?

或許吧　或許我太天真了吧

屬於我的昨天之前的結局　我決定我的決定
屬於我的明天之後的憧憬　我迷信我的迷信


波折
該來的就來吧
為什麼不敢呢　害怕呢?

我們一起努力飛翔 好嗎?

I need you

Hey peeps. I know i havent been updating for a while.
Got quite a lot to update.
BUT. Dont know.. Maybe im just a lil lazy..
Hopefully i'll space out some time to actually sit down and start typing and putting up some pics.
which i doubt it'd be anytime soon. cos of finals and all.
and i've slacked enough.
it's been quite some time after that day.
A lil emo or down now. Ah, i dont know why. It's just a phase.
wo3 ye3 ma2 mu4 le hen3 jiu3. bu4 zhi1 shi4 wei4 he2, tu1 ran2 jian1 xiang3 qi3 ta1, you3 shao3 xu3 de4 gua4 nian4.
Neways, wish me luck for exams n stuff. Jian1 chi2!
Jia you yan jing ni!
wo3 dao4 di3 shi4 zhen3 me4 le? zhe4 ji3 ge4 xing1 qi1 biao3 xian4 de2 hen3 hao3 ya! ji4 xu4 jia1 you2 ba! =) .. =( Aaa!
Jia you yan jing ni!
Till then, hope to see u guys soon ;) Aaaaaaa =D
I hope somewhere around the corner of this Earth, YOU are silently praying for me, supporting me. and i'll do the same.