Someone who inspired me lately:

Yeo Bee Yin

Do I want to make it work?

Like I've always said,
the question asked should have been
"Do I want to make it work?"
instead of
"Do you think it's possible/ it's gonna work out?"

because if you ask yourself the latter, chances are, you'll get a lot of self-doubts and reasons to convince yourself that it's not going to work.

Truth is, it's a choice and if you want to, you'll make it work.

Bam! There you go.

Well if I were you, I think I would have chose the same.
Only wished you handled it better.
Then again, looking back, I think I would have handled it better given the experience.

Oh wells, what's the point of 'wished' or 'would have' right?

Like my grandmother says,

千金万金都买不下“如果...”，还有“早知...”。

既然你无论如何都需要面对, 事情都会过去，事后就会欣慰。 这整个过程，不如脚踏实地，坦然地面对？

You're now at 'now'. It's easy to trap yourself in flashbacks and make the past feels so 'now'.

But you've gotta let those attachment slip.. Your senses are cheating you. Those are past attachments. Yes, even those emotional attachments should be current and not accumulating the past's.

All you need is a *snap*, awake and you're at where you're supposed to be- 'now'.

I will start a company that runs public transportation there. Yes.

Things to get rid off and work on

So yesterday, there were string of events laid out for me.

SMRT career talk, visit to 3D theatre, a scholarship talk and networking session with the companies..

You know, attending these sort of events, speaking to people and meeting people from different levels (whether career or life), you'll either leave feeling some sort of satisfaction OR inadequacy.

Above all, I guess I'm fortunate to be able to observe and interact with these people. It's funny cos you can almost tell how an organization works based on the pool of staff they have. The way they talk, the things they laugh about.. You can really tell the difference especially when it's engineering versus non-engineering companies, private companies versus governmental organizations.

Umm, yes, I left with with the feeling of inadequacy after the last event yesterday. I haven't had the time to digest those inadequacy last night but this morning I woke up thinking through it. So I sat down writing these...

You bet. I was marking myself, seeing if I can correct mistakes I did yesterday. I gotta admit, that one particular business student really got me there.. Hands down. The way she pitched herself so naturally..
I started realizing the differences between engineering students and business students everyone has been talking about. Not to brag but I would consider myself one of the more talkative and sociable engineering students? Can you imagine how engineering students in general have to be compared to business students? Wow. Just wow.

I'm starting to recall how I was quietly self-doubting at that moment, subconsciously noticing the difference in terms of interaction when she was conversing with the personnel whom I was speaking to as compared to mine. Those voices in my head was not within my control. In my mind, I was questioning myself, "Oh gosh, don't you have more intelligent questions to ask? Look at her. Hmm how am I to keep the conversation going? What to say next? Am I not striking for an intellectual conversation? It feels like an empty conversation, meaningless... Hmmm..."

I felt like fish out of water during the networking event, perhaps partly felt like I wasn't there to hunt for scholarship or any of those companies? I was there for IE Singapore but apparently it's not the right event to be at.

Then again, there's always sth to learn. I'm glad I had the courage to attend these events on my own and left feeling inadequate (lol). It is a good exposure to prepare me for upcoming interview(s). Sort of like a wake up call to let me know what I am lacking. It sure didn't feel good cos I was eating up my self-confidence again. Yes, I had that "gosh-get-me-out-of-here" feeling again. 

BUT GJN! You've overcome it once again. ;) Polish and you will shine.
I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way and hopefully I'll be able to help others with the same problem in future.


P.S. I still feel the inadequacy but I just gotta keep reminding myself to work on it instead of dwelling on it. Things like "I've so much thoughts and personalities to show but I can't seem to be able to portray or express it in words." That's a big issue to work on. So many times I feel like I didn't get my message across effectively. :/ Yes yes, time to work on it! Grhhh Vrooommm!

This is a song I would love to hear it live

Still gives me goosebumps.. That sense of longing and missing sth.. Europe trip, him, good days despite the ups and downs.. The warmth in the cold..

A Brilliant Madness

Not sure if you guys heard about the movie "A Beautiful Mind" but I think some of us might be able to recall the Nash Equilibrium a.k.a. Game Theory which we studied in Principle of Economics in our first year of University.

Gosh, it's kinda amazing how this person is still alive while we're studying it (well cos most of the theories and principles we studied came from the famous of centuries ago like Newton, Albert Einstein etc.)

Too many things going in mind,
I don't know what to say.

I guess it takes an extraordinary (person) to go through such extraordinary life.

With that said, I think Alicia must have been an amazing person to put through this and it's really sweet that they remarried.

I believe it has never been easy and I can only say, I was flabbergasted.

It got me thinking.

Someone said, "Don't think out of the box. Think like there's no box."
Truly, John Nash might have been one of those few people that 'thought like there's no box'

hence the non-conformity which were deemed peculiar.

Martha Nash Legg: He has said that he more or less put his hallucinations aside, like a conscious decision. I mentioned that to somebody, and she said, well, why didn't he do it sooner?

Well, I guess it takes that long journey to be able get a grip of his life

and to be able to make that conscious decision. 

I think people whom he loves and people who loves him made part of the conscious decision too.

;)