3+am.. i dont know how i manage to get through it for so long.
Thanks to chyi and jyethe's existence..
now im goina hit the sack..
i feel.. drunk? lol. just need to sleep. off to bed! *lights off*
poofff...
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I'm in love with david tao's songs. Songs that are able to make me feel good. =D
This is just heart warming. Ahhhhh.... =) Felt as if I'm getting the warmth from the sunshine in the middle of a place filled with snow. Mmmmmm...
This song, is AWESOME when you feel troubled and all. Makes you just wana take a break and runaway. You'll totally feel better afterthat. =D
I got to know "run away" back then when I was 13 or 14 years old. It's been a LONG LOOONNGG time since I've last heard of it. As for "what's love" or rather "ai shi shen me dong xi" (in mandarin) is one GREAT song I just found out. That song is like what I really needed after feeling so agitated just now. Damn~ Should start listening to his songs more. Ahaks =)))
Cheers.
Tired.
Haven't been blogging about my daily life for quite some time huh.. Well well well... Whenever I wished to blog, the laptop's aint with me.. =( Especially when I was in Taiwan, Hongkong/Macau...
Then when I came back, several things happened also. and now I'm in Singapore..
But I can't remember what to write ady... I guess i'll just leave the pictures of memories in my brain. Hahax ;P
Me and kevin "got back together" like about 4am of 26th Dec 08. wth.. haha. Then i talked to tasha for a while after he went off. So i slept at abt 4.30 sth. Then abt 10+am chyi called asked if i wana go out shopping with them... Gosh, i didnt even wana wake up that time. So sleepy... but im glad i went out also... =) and chyi bought me a dress from ms. selfridge. Thanks chyi! I feel guilty that u had to pay for my dress.. =(
Just now had bbq party at boi boi ah yi's place. Talked to newly-acquainted people.
First thing i did when i came home is to check whether he's online or not. Nope he wasn't. I left offline msgs.. Then I fell aslp. Woke up to my brother's nagging. Bathed. Came online.
Talked to him. Took him quite some time to reply.. Thought what is he busy with.
He was playing computer games... =.=''
Thought he'd be missing me and wana talk to me badly or sth. =/ Didnt get to tell him all the things I wanted to say and since he was so engrossed with the game, as a gf, understanding one, =p, let him play lor... Wasn't really happy but I dont wana be a control freak. I'll give him space this time. I expect more space for ourselves this time round.
Sigh.
I'm not ok. But i'll be fine.
It's just I was thinking, when we're not together then u miss me like shit, and finally when u got me back, you'd rather play games than talking to me. That's partly what I'm afraid of. Im afraid when we are together, we take things for granted. And when we are together, I just have higher expectations like when I talk to u then i'd be expecting u to reply and if u dont, u better have a good reason sort of thing. That was also why, when we were on our first break, I felt relieved. Cuz less expectations! If he doesn't reply, it's fine with me. He can get busy with whatever he's with because we're just friends and you dont expect friends to reply you all the time.
Now you see why... I'm still not getting quite use to getting back and we are literally far right now plus the convo just now.. Seriously, i was expecting much more than that the whole day. I was thinking, oh, im goina tell him this, im goina tell him that, and there were times that I'd smile thinking abt him just suddenly miss him kinda thing. Cuz im really trying to get that feelings back.
But seriously im kinda getting like relationship-phobic here. Is there a scientific word for it? Lol.
Im really afraid seriously.. He's gotta do a lot to convince me again.
Im scared... Why am I? Is it cuz of the feeling of getting tied-down again? Or am I scared of expecting more?
Urgh. Am I thinking too much?
JINNI GAN!!!! just shut up and appreciate and no complains like u said! Don't just say it! Do it!
Urgh. Appreciate? Appreciate what?! That he'd rather play games than talking to me?! Im sorry dear, I just feel like complaining.
Maybe after I rant and rave, I'll feel better. Since I've got nobody to complain to... and I'm not suppose to complain. You see, it's really a small matter and you see how a small matter affects me?!
Ahhhhhh... He's driving me crazy~~ I feel like building a wall to stay away from relationship so that I dont get hurt. He cant compare me to him... That's just me... I always feel the need to protect myself from getting hurt. Because the last time i break the wall and open up, moved over, I've got immensely hurt. I know he was hurt too. But that doesnt mean I hafta handle things his way right?
I mean he's a great guy, indeed. But like I said, I'm getting phobia.. He's gotta do more to convince me.. If this is what he wants, what we decided to do, we hafta work it out not just on talking terms...
Sigh. I complained too much? I'm sorry... Just hafta make myself feel better... and Im getting tired cuz it's 2.45am already.. Shouldnt sleep so late so often. College's goina start soon. How am I goina get up?!? Ahaks.
Alright.. I'm goina put a smile on my face and hit the sack. =) Nights. Sweet dreams.
Then when I came back, several things happened also. and now I'm in Singapore..
But I can't remember what to write ady... I guess i'll just leave the pictures of memories in my brain. Hahax ;P
Me and kevin "got back together" like about 4am of 26th Dec 08. wth.. haha. Then i talked to tasha for a while after he went off. So i slept at abt 4.30 sth. Then abt 10+am chyi called asked if i wana go out shopping with them... Gosh, i didnt even wana wake up that time. So sleepy... but im glad i went out also... =) and chyi bought me a dress from ms. selfridge. Thanks chyi! I feel guilty that u had to pay for my dress.. =(
Just now had bbq party at boi boi ah yi's place. Talked to newly-acquainted people.
First thing i did when i came home is to check whether he's online or not. Nope he wasn't. I left offline msgs.. Then I fell aslp. Woke up to my brother's nagging. Bathed. Came online.
Talked to him. Took him quite some time to reply.. Thought what is he busy with.
He was playing computer games... =.=''
Thought he'd be missing me and wana talk to me badly or sth. =/ Didnt get to tell him all the things I wanted to say and since he was so engrossed with the game, as a gf, understanding one, =p, let him play lor... Wasn't really happy but I dont wana be a control freak. I'll give him space this time. I expect more space for ourselves this time round.
Sigh.
I'm not ok. But i'll be fine.
It's just I was thinking, when we're not together then u miss me like shit, and finally when u got me back, you'd rather play games than talking to me. That's partly what I'm afraid of. Im afraid when we are together, we take things for granted. And when we are together, I just have higher expectations like when I talk to u then i'd be expecting u to reply and if u dont, u better have a good reason sort of thing. That was also why, when we were on our first break, I felt relieved. Cuz less expectations! If he doesn't reply, it's fine with me. He can get busy with whatever he's with because we're just friends and you dont expect friends to reply you all the time.
Now you see why... I'm still not getting quite use to getting back and we are literally far right now plus the convo just now.. Seriously, i was expecting much more than that the whole day. I was thinking, oh, im goina tell him this, im goina tell him that, and there were times that I'd smile thinking abt him just suddenly miss him kinda thing. Cuz im really trying to get that feelings back.
But seriously im kinda getting like relationship-phobic here. Is there a scientific word for it? Lol.
Im really afraid seriously.. He's gotta do a lot to convince me again.
Im scared... Why am I? Is it cuz of the feeling of getting tied-down again? Or am I scared of expecting more?
Urgh. Am I thinking too much?
JINNI GAN!!!! just shut up and appreciate and no complains like u said! Don't just say it! Do it!
Urgh. Appreciate? Appreciate what?! That he'd rather play games than talking to me?! Im sorry dear, I just feel like complaining.
Maybe after I rant and rave, I'll feel better. Since I've got nobody to complain to... and I'm not suppose to complain. You see, it's really a small matter and you see how a small matter affects me?!
Ahhhhhh... He's driving me crazy~~ I feel like building a wall to stay away from relationship so that I dont get hurt. He cant compare me to him... That's just me... I always feel the need to protect myself from getting hurt. Because the last time i break the wall and open up, moved over, I've got immensely hurt. I know he was hurt too. But that doesnt mean I hafta handle things his way right?
I mean he's a great guy, indeed. But like I said, I'm getting phobia.. He's gotta do more to convince me.. If this is what he wants, what we decided to do, we hafta work it out not just on talking terms...
Sigh. I complained too much? I'm sorry... Just hafta make myself feel better... and Im getting tired cuz it's 2.45am already.. Shouldnt sleep so late so often. College's goina start soon. How am I goina get up?!? Ahaks.
Alright.. I'm goina put a smile on my face and hit the sack. =) Nights. Sweet dreams.
Monday, December 22, 2008
searching for answers to "what is life?" & "what is love?"
What is our life about?
As I hurtle through the fourth dimension, trying to figure out and looking for answers, I find myself from clues to clueless!
To some, life is all about love.
But in the eyes of some, there are only money $$ in their visions.
And some of the people, struggle their whole life just wanting to be cynosure of all eyes.
I guess it's something really subjective.
One told me :
" I think life is about how u spend it and why u choose to spend it that way.
For me, my life is basically just do what I think is in the best interest for myself.
I only live once, and I would very much make full use of it,
by adventuring in the things that I desire."
He told me this quote by Robert Byrne, a chess player :
"The purpose of life is a life of purpose"
and he added:
"We live for a purpose, what purpose? Only we can find out ourselves right?
To me , I live to find that purpose."
That struck me. It got me thinking, do I live to find THE purpose? Or am I born with a purpose? Like, am I born to bring peace or joy or SPICE to the world?
Nothing new. Questions I've always been asking and still looking for answers. But jyethe did relieved me a bit.
But he also said he prefer to quote it as "The meaning of life is a life of meaning".
As for me, I'll still go with the same line, "The gift of life is life itself". It is really up to you whether to appreciate the gift or to destroy it or make it an even greater gift to yourself. The gift is given to you. It's yours. You decide what to do with it.
Moving on to defining love.
I've got a few answers. Actually, it's more like a conclusion than answers.
Because there arent's any answers to it.
"I think love is something u know, love to me is like the meaning of life.
You know once you find it.
If you found it, thats it.
Sometimes we think its love because we experience new things with that person
Therefore we go through hardships finding that "special" someone
But once we live through all that,
Once it all compiles, we then know what we are looking for.
We are certain.
So when we find that person thats just makes u feel, new
thats love. " says jyethe.
"For me, love can happen anytime to anyone but on whether your love will be accepted or not depends on the other person
There are many ways to define love, like those you know
love is blind,love is bliss...that kind of thing.
Frankly,
I can't really define love for you
cause love is an innate thing.
Too subjective.
It is what goes on in you that tells you that you love that person more than the other.
Words that have been given out over the centuries about love are roughly the surface
It is all truly up to the person to find out for himself or herself what is love.
That is what I believe." says Ian.
Well, whether it's about life or love, there will never be a definite answer to it. Philosophers and tonnes of anonymous for the past centuries and till today, are still trying to define life or love.
I guess it is really up to an individual to decide what they want out of their life in unfavourable circumstances and conditions which are inevitable. Right?
Depending on priorities and circumstances, your life will be living up to your choices.
An ordinary peaceful life...
or an extravaganza one?
YOU choose.
As I hurtle through the fourth dimension, trying to figure out and looking for answers, I find myself from clues to clueless!
To some, life is all about love.
But in the eyes of some, there are only money $$ in their visions.
And some of the people, struggle their whole life just wanting to be cynosure of all eyes.
I guess it's something really subjective.
One told me :
" I think life is about how u spend it and why u choose to spend it that way.
For me, my life is basically just do what I think is in the best interest for myself.
I only live once, and I would very much make full use of it,
by adventuring in the things that I desire."
He told me this quote by Robert Byrne, a chess player :
"The purpose of life is a life of purpose"
and he added:
"We live for a purpose, what purpose? Only we can find out ourselves right?
To me , I live to find that purpose."
That struck me. It got me thinking, do I live to find THE purpose? Or am I born with a purpose? Like, am I born to bring peace or joy or SPICE to the world?
Nothing new. Questions I've always been asking and still looking for answers. But jyethe did relieved me a bit.
But he also said he prefer to quote it as "The meaning of life is a life of meaning".
As for me, I'll still go with the same line, "The gift of life is life itself". It is really up to you whether to appreciate the gift or to destroy it or make it an even greater gift to yourself. The gift is given to you. It's yours. You decide what to do with it.
Moving on to defining love.
I've got a few answers. Actually, it's more like a conclusion than answers.
Because there arent's any answers to it.
"I think love is something u know, love to me is like the meaning of life.
You know once you find it.
If you found it, thats it.
Sometimes we think its love because we experience new things with that person
Therefore we go through hardships finding that "special" someone
But once we live through all that,
Once it all compiles, we then know what we are looking for.
We are certain.
So when we find that person thats just makes u feel, new
thats love. " says jyethe.
"For me, love can happen anytime to anyone but on whether your love will be accepted or not depends on the other person
There are many ways to define love, like those you know
love is blind,love is bliss...that kind of thing.
Frankly,
I can't really define love for you
cause love is an innate thing.
Too subjective.
It is what goes on in you that tells you that you love that person more than the other.
Words that have been given out over the centuries about love are roughly the surface
It is all truly up to the person to find out for himself or herself what is love.
That is what I believe." says Ian.
Well, whether it's about life or love, there will never be a definite answer to it. Philosophers and tonnes of anonymous for the past centuries and till today, are still trying to define life or love.
I guess it is really up to an individual to decide what they want out of their life in unfavourable circumstances and conditions which are inevitable. Right?
Depending on priorities and circumstances, your life will be living up to your choices.
An ordinary peaceful life...
or an extravaganza one?
YOU choose.
Friday, December 5, 2008
3-day-marathon =P
4th December 2008 (Thursday)
Mechanics was cancelled because mr. anuar took MC. Hence, further maths brought forward and we finished at 12pm!!! Managed to visit tara and am glad to see her better. =) But of course, her pain is still there nevertheless. with her for almost 2 hours then reached home abt 3.00pm.
Didn't wana come home so early. Really eager to meet him. Hoping that he'd call me when I was on the way home, thought of dropping by at his house to see him. Called him when I reached home. He wasn't at home anyways. So yup. Then, I talked to michella over the phone for an hour plus. Afterthat I slept till abt 10.30pm.. Woke up, eat a lil vege for dinner...
Managed to talk to him on the phone. Then, talked online. Finally, we were talking properly! I'm so glad and I really really really missed everything abt him and everything we did together too. He melted my heart instantly as he told me the things about me that he is missing... and then stupid msn got problem. Im seriously god damn annoyed with msn. Always got problem 1. Neways, he managed to d/l yahoo and we continued to talk till almost 4am... I was doing my physics while he's falling asleep. He's pretty tired. I know... Poor lil thing. Finally he decided to go sleep and wanted to leave the convo on but then my stupid internet connection got problem. =(
And so, I continued with my physics till about 5.30am? Went back to bed as usual.
N what happen next would be considered starting on
5th December 2008 (Friday)
Didn't wana wake up when the alarm rang. So kinda overslept a lil. Rushed to my car when I'm done getting ready for college. N great! Couldn't start the car!! I was thinking, MUST have been the battery!!! (My dad) encountered this quite a number of times. It's like, if I just don't drive the car for a day. It's gone. Dad would need to jump the battery. Instantly, I woke my mom up. She's kinda annoyed. Lol. Who wouldn't be when they're disturbed during their beauty sleep? Figured ways to solve the problem. But in the end, mom still had to send me to college. As usual, all the way to college she'd be complaining about the traffic congestion and everything as if I was the one who intentionally cause my car battery to be condemned. Ah~ Mothers~
I was late for physics. Doesn't really matter for me =P Classes were fine. Feeling sleepy at times as usual. I was pretty worried about getting a transport to go home actually. Thankfully, kev could fetch me. So, yup, skipped mechanics ;P poor mr. anuar, must have been missing me. (Sam said, mr. anuar did ask about me, ahahaha)
And guess what!? My mom actually called kev and asked if he could help to change my car battery. I didn't know. Lol. It's kinda funny. Coz kev was on the way to fetch me from college and my mom didn't know either. But the thing is, my parents don't know a thing about us and the "break up" thing. Also, I felt like we are so dependent on kev... I was thinking, shit... What am I goina do if he's not around? And we are not attached already... How can I be so dependent on him... =( It's not like I'd die without him but things were definitely easier with him around. Sigh.
Anyway, changing the car battery was funny. Haha =) We kinda 'argued' in a good way. As in kept on make fun of each other, kinda annoying, but ya.. I guess that's one of the way we communicate. Lol. Ah~ Annoying nevertheless. !!!
Just when we finished and I thought we could finally spend a lil precious time together. My mom's home. Went downstairs thinking of informing her about the car battery. But she was talking to someone. Apparently, we're goina fix the light sensor thingy. Waited, waited, waited... Finally, told her. Went upstairs to call sern down then I was like okay, Thank god we can skip the all-so-long convo thingy between my mom and kev.
N it's not even like 10 minutes I think, mom start knocking on the room's door. Argh. Asking me to do this and that. She ALWAYS does that when kevin's around! Annoyingness~ Fine, went and help her. Then she started chatting with kevin. When we are done helping her, as usual, she'd keep kevin with her. I'm annoyed, so I went back to my room. and I slept =/... Lol.
And O-M-G... I woke up half-an-hour later and they were still chatting!! Seriously, I don't like my mom for that lor... It's like I can hardly see kev already and she always take away the time I could have spend with him. It's so annoying. SO SO SO annoying. Ok la, fine la, she hasn't seen kev for AGES also. I was thinking, arh, talk till your mouth gets tired la k! *rolled eyes*
>< Am I very childish in that sense? But it's really damn annoying you know... God knows how long it took till kev came upstairs, into my room. I was like, 'eyh?? Finally finish talking to my mom ah??' And kev was like, aiyo, your mom also quite poor thing one you know, blaa blaa blaa... *frown* urgh. URGH.
So in the end, I guess we only spend like only about an hour or perhaps less than that together, out of the 3 hours of him at ma house! And I was very worried because I know his mom would be rushing him home and all. So I kept on asking whether he has to go home yet in front of my mom. But my mom just get no CLUE at all, it's either that or she did that on purpose! Goodness, freaking tutting annoying.
Fine la... Then he left, so I wont be seeing him for perhaps half-a-month (I know that'll be 2 weeks, but half-a-month makes it sounds longer =p) Knowing that his dad will always be keeping him occupied. I doubt if we can actually meet before I'm going down to singapore again. If we can't, oh well, that'll be probably one month before we could see each other again.
I know his dad hasn't spend much time with him for the past 20 years and the fact that his dad possesses a very good reason to spend kevin's time than I do. Afterall, I am no one but only someone who has dated him for about 8 months and spent all his time for the first 5 or 6 months? Family is rank no. 1. I'm not against kev spending his time with his parents. Because they are the ones who raised him up. It's just that, I miss him... I really do. =/ Sigh.
Nevermind lor... Get use to it.
So, we had McDonald for dinner. Chicken foldover.. Yum yum. Otw, to McD, mom asked some stuffz about kevin. One of em would be, so, what happened to kev ah? Where has he been all this while? I covered up and said, oh, since his dad's back, they've been really really busy, which, is true actually.
Then, hoping that I could talk to him at night. I was very aware that the chances of talking to him would be slim.Nevertheless, I took my chances and called him. He was busy packing or cleaning or tidying sth with his mom. So yup, I spent earlier part of my night sleeping and then it'd be youtube and searching for piano score, prepare some clothes for our holiday trip to taiwan/hongkong next week. Tried blogging but fell asleep. Ahaks. So yep, this was actually an unfinished post. This is also goina be a god damn LONG post. =p
6th December 2008 (Saturday)
Woke up. Dropped mom off at 1U coz she's taking Aeroline to Singapore. Went for the sign language seminar ( Leo Club project). Sam and of course, Joshua were there. I could tell that sam was really bored. I felt bad. Coz he came only because I went. Yeah, sth like that. He was in utter boredom. I was feeling agitated towards the end coz I'm an hyperactive person, blekk =P
But I wasn't in the mood of socializing. So I didn't talk much. I was more interested in learning the sign languages only. Nonetheless, Dato' Tan Yap has got some interesting stories to share.
Well, sign language is not just for the deaf and mute. The beauty of art of sign language can be appreciated and utilised by almost anyone. =) It's a beautiful language which involves body language and facial expressions that some words can't replace. ^^ hehe.
Reached home quite early. Cooked spaghetti for lunch for jye, sern and me myself. Was still kinda hungry. Then I ate biscuits and tuna. Kinda overeat then, lol. Worse still, I slept after eating while I was in front of the laptop. Woke up and fed bruce and onion. Then cooked dinner with sern. Watched tv a lil. Laze around. Slept... again, yes. In front of the laptop again, yes. But everytime I hear somebody signing into MSN, or I woke up amidst my beauty sleep, I'd check if he's online eventhough it was obvious that he wouldn't be coming online. Then I woke up at either 11pm or 12 or 1am.. Not too sure. Bathed and here I am in front of the laptop again till now. Was watching youtube coz Im planning to bake a cake tomorrow, craving for something with cream. Was also composing a song using overture. It's quite cool. I've got plenty of plans for tomorrow initially. Wanna watch twilight and get some groceries then cook and eat at home, perhaps baking a cake too. Not forgetting, cleaning my room and wash my quilt and bed sheet, if possible, wana wash the 3 cars also. Can do everything provided jye and sern cooperate.
They were really nice today though. I guess we are all grown up already. Lol. I really wana bring them to watch twilight tomorrow and I really hoped I could ask kevin along. Most likely, he'd be busy. But neways, jye doesn't go ga-ga about twilight and questioned me on the spending money part, like who's goina pay, very rich now is it... So I guess, it's a No-Watch tomorrow. Then cannot go grocery shopping also. I guess I'll use whatever I have to make a cake out of it. =p
Yeah, it's 4+am right now. I called him about 2.3oam just now. Don't know whether to say it's calling him late or early in the morning. Oh yeah, he's all-so-tired. =/ Sigh. Poor thing.
and now, it's my turn to hit the sack also. Gotta wake up early tomorrow. Plenty of house chores awaiting me. Thanks to the laziest Jinni in the world which lazed around on Saturday and left all the chores to be done on Sunday.
Oh wells.
Sigh, still got tonnes of homework and hafta do revision coz got test straight away on the first day of college reopen! Wth. =(
Alright. Good night everyone. (It's actually morning.. **) Hopefully I'll sleep and have a good dream. Hugs and kisses anyone?
Mechanics was cancelled because mr. anuar took MC. Hence, further maths brought forward and we finished at 12pm!!! Managed to visit tara and am glad to see her better. =) But of course, her pain is still there nevertheless. with her for almost 2 hours then reached home abt 3.00pm.
Didn't wana come home so early. Really eager to meet him. Hoping that he'd call me when I was on the way home, thought of dropping by at his house to see him. Called him when I reached home. He wasn't at home anyways. So yup. Then, I talked to michella over the phone for an hour plus. Afterthat I slept till abt 10.30pm.. Woke up, eat a lil vege for dinner...
Managed to talk to him on the phone. Then, talked online. Finally, we were talking properly! I'm so glad and I really really really missed everything abt him and everything we did together too. He melted my heart instantly as he told me the things about me that he is missing... and then stupid msn got problem. Im seriously god damn annoyed with msn. Always got problem 1. Neways, he managed to d/l yahoo and we continued to talk till almost 4am... I was doing my physics while he's falling asleep. He's pretty tired. I know... Poor lil thing. Finally he decided to go sleep and wanted to leave the convo on but then my stupid internet connection got problem. =(
And so, I continued with my physics till about 5.30am? Went back to bed as usual.
N what happen next would be considered starting on
5th December 2008 (Friday)
Didn't wana wake up when the alarm rang. So kinda overslept a lil. Rushed to my car when I'm done getting ready for college. N great! Couldn't start the car!! I was thinking, MUST have been the battery!!! (My dad) encountered this quite a number of times. It's like, if I just don't drive the car for a day. It's gone. Dad would need to jump the battery. Instantly, I woke my mom up. She's kinda annoyed. Lol. Who wouldn't be when they're disturbed during their beauty sleep? Figured ways to solve the problem. But in the end, mom still had to send me to college. As usual, all the way to college she'd be complaining about the traffic congestion and everything as if I was the one who intentionally cause my car battery to be condemned. Ah~ Mothers~
I was late for physics. Doesn't really matter for me =P Classes were fine. Feeling sleepy at times as usual. I was pretty worried about getting a transport to go home actually. Thankfully, kev could fetch me. So, yup, skipped mechanics ;P poor mr. anuar, must have been missing me. (Sam said, mr. anuar did ask about me, ahahaha)
And guess what!? My mom actually called kev and asked if he could help to change my car battery. I didn't know. Lol. It's kinda funny. Coz kev was on the way to fetch me from college and my mom didn't know either. But the thing is, my parents don't know a thing about us and the "break up" thing. Also, I felt like we are so dependent on kev... I was thinking, shit... What am I goina do if he's not around? And we are not attached already... How can I be so dependent on him... =( It's not like I'd die without him but things were definitely easier with him around. Sigh.
Anyway, changing the car battery was funny. Haha =) We kinda 'argued' in a good way. As in kept on make fun of each other, kinda annoying, but ya.. I guess that's one of the way we communicate. Lol. Ah~ Annoying nevertheless. !!!
Just when we finished and I thought we could finally spend a lil precious time together. My mom's home. Went downstairs thinking of informing her about the car battery. But she was talking to someone. Apparently, we're goina fix the light sensor thingy. Waited, waited, waited... Finally, told her. Went upstairs to call sern down then I was like okay, Thank god we can skip the all-so-long convo thingy between my mom and kev.
N it's not even like 10 minutes I think, mom start knocking on the room's door. Argh. Asking me to do this and that. She ALWAYS does that when kevin's around! Annoyingness~ Fine, went and help her. Then she started chatting with kevin. When we are done helping her, as usual, she'd keep kevin with her. I'm annoyed, so I went back to my room. and I slept =/... Lol.
And O-M-G... I woke up half-an-hour later and they were still chatting!! Seriously, I don't like my mom for that lor... It's like I can hardly see kev already and she always take away the time I could have spend with him. It's so annoying. SO SO SO annoying. Ok la, fine la, she hasn't seen kev for AGES also. I was thinking, arh, talk till your mouth gets tired la k! *rolled eyes*
>< Am I very childish in that sense? But it's really damn annoying you know... God knows how long it took till kev came upstairs, into my room. I was like, 'eyh?? Finally finish talking to my mom ah??' And kev was like, aiyo, your mom also quite poor thing one you know, blaa blaa blaa... *frown* urgh. URGH.
So in the end, I guess we only spend like only about an hour or perhaps less than that together, out of the 3 hours of him at ma house! And I was very worried because I know his mom would be rushing him home and all. So I kept on asking whether he has to go home yet in front of my mom. But my mom just get no CLUE at all, it's either that or she did that on purpose! Goodness, freaking tutting annoying.
Fine la... Then he left, so I wont be seeing him for perhaps half-a-month (I know that'll be 2 weeks, but half-a-month makes it sounds longer =p) Knowing that his dad will always be keeping him occupied. I doubt if we can actually meet before I'm going down to singapore again. If we can't, oh well, that'll be probably one month before we could see each other again.
I know his dad hasn't spend much time with him for the past 20 years and the fact that his dad possesses a very good reason to spend kevin's time than I do. Afterall, I am no one but only someone who has dated him for about 8 months and spent all his time for the first 5 or 6 months? Family is rank no. 1. I'm not against kev spending his time with his parents. Because they are the ones who raised him up. It's just that, I miss him... I really do. =/ Sigh.
Nevermind lor... Get use to it.
So, we had McDonald for dinner. Chicken foldover.. Yum yum. Otw, to McD, mom asked some stuffz about kevin. One of em would be, so, what happened to kev ah? Where has he been all this while? I covered up and said, oh, since his dad's back, they've been really really busy, which, is true actually.
Then, hoping that I could talk to him at night. I was very aware that the chances of talking to him would be slim.Nevertheless, I took my chances and called him. He was busy packing or cleaning or tidying sth with his mom. So yup, I spent earlier part of my night sleeping and then it'd be youtube and searching for piano score, prepare some clothes for our holiday trip to taiwan/hongkong next week. Tried blogging but fell asleep. Ahaks. So yep, this was actually an unfinished post. This is also goina be a god damn LONG post. =p
6th December 2008 (Saturday)
Woke up. Dropped mom off at 1U coz she's taking Aeroline to Singapore. Went for the sign language seminar ( Leo Club project). Sam and of course, Joshua were there. I could tell that sam was really bored. I felt bad. Coz he came only because I went. Yeah, sth like that. He was in utter boredom. I was feeling agitated towards the end coz I'm an hyperactive person, blekk =P
But I wasn't in the mood of socializing. So I didn't talk much. I was more interested in learning the sign languages only. Nonetheless, Dato' Tan Yap has got some interesting stories to share.
Well, sign language is not just for the deaf and mute. The beauty of art of sign language can be appreciated and utilised by almost anyone. =) It's a beautiful language which involves body language and facial expressions that some words can't replace. ^^ hehe.
Reached home quite early. Cooked spaghetti for lunch for jye, sern and me myself. Was still kinda hungry. Then I ate biscuits and tuna. Kinda overeat then, lol. Worse still, I slept after eating while I was in front of the laptop. Woke up and fed bruce and onion. Then cooked dinner with sern. Watched tv a lil. Laze around. Slept... again, yes. In front of the laptop again, yes. But everytime I hear somebody signing into MSN, or I woke up amidst my beauty sleep, I'd check if he's online eventhough it was obvious that he wouldn't be coming online. Then I woke up at either 11pm or 12 or 1am.. Not too sure. Bathed and here I am in front of the laptop again till now. Was watching youtube coz Im planning to bake a cake tomorrow, craving for something with cream. Was also composing a song using overture. It's quite cool. I've got plenty of plans for tomorrow initially. Wanna watch twilight and get some groceries then cook and eat at home, perhaps baking a cake too. Not forgetting, cleaning my room and wash my quilt and bed sheet, if possible, wana wash the 3 cars also. Can do everything provided jye and sern cooperate.
They were really nice today though. I guess we are all grown up already. Lol. I really wana bring them to watch twilight tomorrow and I really hoped I could ask kevin along. Most likely, he'd be busy. But neways, jye doesn't go ga-ga about twilight and questioned me on the spending money part, like who's goina pay, very rich now is it... So I guess, it's a No-Watch tomorrow. Then cannot go grocery shopping also. I guess I'll use whatever I have to make a cake out of it. =p
Yeah, it's 4+am right now. I called him about 2.3oam just now. Don't know whether to say it's calling him late or early in the morning. Oh yeah, he's all-so-tired. =/ Sigh. Poor thing.
and now, it's my turn to hit the sack also. Gotta wake up early tomorrow. Plenty of house chores awaiting me. Thanks to the laziest Jinni in the world which lazed around on Saturday and left all the chores to be done on Sunday.
Oh wells.
Sigh, still got tonnes of homework and hafta do revision coz got test straight away on the first day of college reopen! Wth. =(
Alright. Good night everyone. (It's actually morning.. **) Hopefully I'll sleep and have a good dream. Hugs and kisses anyone?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
...
okay... I just talked to him over the phone.
Like finally.. That also, after I called and talked to him on msn which more or less like no response cuz his busy. Then I went offline.
So he called.
It was a 4 minutes and 47 seconds convo.
Nice to hear his voice but what I get mostly is disappointment, which is pretty much expected.
mei ci dou you ban fa ling wo shi wang.
sigh.
Like finally.. That also, after I called and talked to him on msn which more or less like no response cuz his busy. Then I went offline.
So he called.
It was a 4 minutes and 47 seconds convo.
Nice to hear his voice but what I get mostly is disappointment, which is pretty much expected.
mei ci dou you ban fa ling wo shi wang.
sigh.
I just wana...
:'(
what's going on? what's wrong? =/?
I don't know...
Hasnt really got the chance to talk to kor... He looked pretty down lately... Or at least looked occupied. with you know... eddy or sth..
I realise he didn't look at me today. Even before or after i hugged him. He was engrossed with his conversation. Just hugged him and went off for further maths class.
During and after maths also...
Whoelse am I suppose to talk to? dai lou...? Now that we're back to the hectic schedule, there's not really a chance to talk about anything else than homework, studies... During break, bunch of us will be discussing about sth else... entertainment...
Brother? He doesn't even knw a thing! When we were discussing about eating at Murni, cuz I told him I'm craving for the special drinks there. Then he said ask kev to bring me there la... I felt like tearing.. I didn't, of course...
Xiao ly? She will perhaps just say, it's ok wan... relax... don't worry... nothing wan la...
None of them are clear about the situation, so, ya...
What? Talk to kevin straight? Oh well, he has been busy I guess. Or at least, I think his dad would have keep him occupied or sth. and I've got no reasons to talk to him? Or rather... He never called? nor sms? It felt like it's always me calling?
Aiyo... Jinni.... Why the emo-ness?? Maybe because my period's coming? Or I didnt eat my medicine today? Lol. Sigh. Stop giving excuses la...
Ah....... Can somebody just kill me?
what's going on? what's wrong? =/?
I don't know...
Hasnt really got the chance to talk to kor... He looked pretty down lately... Or at least looked occupied. with you know... eddy or sth..
I realise he didn't look at me today. Even before or after i hugged him. He was engrossed with his conversation. Just hugged him and went off for further maths class.
During and after maths also...
Whoelse am I suppose to talk to? dai lou...? Now that we're back to the hectic schedule, there's not really a chance to talk about anything else than homework, studies... During break, bunch of us will be discussing about sth else... entertainment...
Brother? He doesn't even knw a thing! When we were discussing about eating at Murni, cuz I told him I'm craving for the special drinks there. Then he said ask kev to bring me there la... I felt like tearing.. I didn't, of course...
Xiao ly? She will perhaps just say, it's ok wan... relax... don't worry... nothing wan la...
None of them are clear about the situation, so, ya...
What? Talk to kevin straight? Oh well, he has been busy I guess. Or at least, I think his dad would have keep him occupied or sth. and I've got no reasons to talk to him? Or rather... He never called? nor sms? It felt like it's always me calling?
Aiyo... Jinni.... Why the emo-ness?? Maybe because my period's coming? Or I didnt eat my medicine today? Lol. Sigh. Stop giving excuses la...
Ah....... Can somebody just kill me?
pig
zen me ban... wo hao xiang nian ta o...
Every lil thing around me reminds me of him...
His face just keeps popping out in my brain...
I miss him so much!!! =(
Babi u...... Did u use some magic potion on me?
Sob sob. Lol.
I think im going through depression. I just eat non-stop... Appetite increased hell lot =p
shit... u're goina turn into a big fat pig!! Then later nobody wants u liao.....
ahahahaha.
=/
STOP CRAVING!
Every lil thing around me reminds me of him...
His face just keeps popping out in my brain...
I miss him so much!!! =(
Babi u...... Did u use some magic potion on me?
Sob sob. Lol.
I think im going through depression. I just eat non-stop... Appetite increased hell lot =p
shit... u're goina turn into a big fat pig!! Then later nobody wants u liao.....
ahahahaha.
=/
STOP CRAVING!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Morning December.
Morning!!! Rise and shine!
Haha =)
Woke up at 6am. Gotta go brush up soon. Hafta leave ma house by 9.00am. I dont wana be late for Ms. Tee's class again.
Listening to jay chou's dao xiang as I type this blog. Feels good.
Laters!
Good day. =)
I'll make myself happy.
Try my best ; )
Ahaks.
Haha =)
Woke up at 6am. Gotta go brush up soon. Hafta leave ma house by 9.00am. I dont wana be late for Ms. Tee's class again.
Listening to jay chou's dao xiang as I type this blog. Feels good.
Laters!
Good day. =)
I'll make myself happy.
Try my best ; )
Ahaks.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Like only a woman can by Brian McFadden
I wasn't perfect
I done a lot of stupid things
Still no angel
I wasn't looking for forgiveness
I wasn't laid up by my pride
Just shocked by her attention
Did someone sign me up for love?
I didn't want it
But now I can't live without it
She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can
She's kinda perfect
She's kinda everything
I'm not Yes, she's an angel
It's amazing how she's patient
Even more at times I'm not
She's my conscience
But who decided I'd be hers?
I want to hate them
Cause now I can't live without her
She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can
Like only a woman can
But who decided I'd be hers?
I want to hate them
Cause now I can't live without her
She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can
*falling in love with this song. Hoping that one day, my man will sing it to me =P *
I done a lot of stupid things
Still no angel
I wasn't looking for forgiveness
I wasn't laid up by my pride
Just shocked by her attention
Did someone sign me up for love?
I didn't want it
But now I can't live without it
She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can
She's kinda perfect
She's kinda everything
I'm not Yes, she's an angel
It's amazing how she's patient
Even more at times I'm not
She's my conscience
But who decided I'd be hers?
I want to hate them
Cause now I can't live without her
She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can
Like only a woman can
But who decided I'd be hers?
I want to hate them
Cause now I can't live without her
She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can
*falling in love with this song. Hoping that one day, my man will sing it to me =P *
an ordinary day with a lil bit of everything
slept at 12.40am and woke up at 3.40am to do my further stats till abt 5.40am.
Then went back to sleep. Wanted to sleep more when my alarm rang. Next thing i know, I woke up at 8am which is the time my class starts! Lol.
I was thinking, oh no... Please dont make it another bad day.
Tried calling kiat and xiao ly so many times, then i called choon seng for the second time and he picked up! Finally! Ah... told him i'll be really late and apologise on behalf of me to Ms. Tee.
So, I got ready as fast as I could and left the house. It was a bumper-to-bumper jam sorta thing. Took me almost an hour to reach KDU area and the best thing is, the guard didnt let me into the college to park!!!! I freaking saw a lot of parking lots available... But I heard that it is reserved for KDU staff after 8am. WTH. Hence, I went to my usual spot. Guess what? The owner did some gardening and bags of grasses and unwanted plants flood my usual spot. So I had to go for the next available place. Great, finally I parked somewhere a LIL further than my usual spot. Then there's this ah ma ( old granny) told me not to park there because the owner of the opposite house would spoil my car or scratch my car or sth. I was like...... urgh.
Fine, I went all the way further down which is probably double the distance of walking to college from my usual spot. But I never realise the houses further down have such nice environment.
By then, it's almost 9.00am but not 9.00am yet! So it's like half-way hanging. If I rushed to further stats. They'd be leaving the room... So I didn't do my ugly walking (that is the running sorta walking and I know how horrible I look when I do that because people around me will just give this weird kinda look, LOL)
As I walk pass the houses, I was somehow amused by the spacious land and the tranquility of that area... Mmmmmm... Fresh air and squirrels hopping around! =) I passed by this house which I'd always give a curious stare at because of the weird windmill and pretty messed up furnitures arnd the car porch area. Today, there's an old granny sweeping the floor outside the gate. I looked at her. She gave me the same look. Slowly... slowly... We smiled =). Awww... With the bright morning sun shining on us. Mmmmm... Cozy. That granny's most likely of a baba-nyonya heritage because she totally look like a chinese but she wears those kinda sarong thing.
A stranger with a smile, enlighten up my morning hassle a lil. =)
The scent of the flowers and the fragrant of morning breakfast from houses around too.
Then as I get closer and closer to college, it's the filthy road with the noisy cars around. Ah, the stress on almost every bypasser's face. I'm back into reality. I hurried to the class. Ms. Loh was already there. Thankfully, it wasn't really a bad one despite not finishing her work.
And so, classes went on as usual. Physics was alright. Also fortunately, he did not demand us on passing up the homework which I haven't finish either. After the break, felt a lil slpy as Mr. Loo talked abt "capacitors and capacitance". Honestly, my brain capacitance was really low at that moment of time, to absorb knowledge abt Mr. Loo's "capacitors and capacitance" story. Lol.
After physics, it'd be further maths again. Finished at 2pm. Should have told Joshua to bring forward the meeting time. Anyways, I went to 7 eleven to get my fav black forest chocettes to indulge myself after the saturating facts in my brain throughout the day. As usual, as I walk alone. Things come into mind. Of course it was kevin that I was thinking about. Maybe he's right. I'm not getting use to the breaking up thing. Maybe we should stop getting so emotionally involved with each other? Can I start calling him uppa again? Haha. No doubt, on and off, to think of it, kinda hurts. It actually felt like I'm going through the 'putus cinta' process. Aha. Well, they say it'll take you about at least half of the time a couple were together to get over each other. So, if we hadn't take this break, this will be our 9th month. Perhaps, we both will need about, say, 5 months time to get over this? Sigh. All kinds of possibilities I've imagined would happen in future. Just don't know which will come true. Funny how things happened huh?
Ah. Self-inflicting misery. Self-conflicts.
But I believe whatever happens in future will be the best for everyone. Have faith. Yes, Jinni, have faith. Kevin too, have faith.
All of a sudden, a bunch of people broken the silence of thoughts in me. I thought they were just trying to disturb me or sth. Rupa-rupanyer, that fellow was trying alert me that my money in my pocket is sort of dropping out. Okay, again I'm awaken to the reality. Back in college. Tried to solve the further maths questions. As usual, time flew especially fast when it comes to fm ques.
Aisha's call alarmed me that it was already time for Leo Club Meeting. Ahaks.
Leo meeting was fine. Of course it's fun without the Lions' grumbling and complaints. =)
We do it OUR way. Ah. Best thing ever.
I got so excited over Li Wern's badge designs also =) I think those are goina be sellable, like totally. =p
Uuuuu, I wana work at the place Joshua's working. Not bad eyh, can earn quite a lot.
After meeting, went home straight away. Rather dull and plain day. All I did at home was to eat and eat and eat... Ah, one of my favourite passtime I guess. Not that I like it, I just don't know what to do. Not that I'm emo, just can't help but to pass time by stuffing myself. Watch drama. Cry a lil. Miss him a lil. Trying to forget him a lil.
Yes. just like vincent always say, a lil bit of everything.
Indeed, this post is all about a lil bit of everything.
Then went back to sleep. Wanted to sleep more when my alarm rang. Next thing i know, I woke up at 8am which is the time my class starts! Lol.
I was thinking, oh no... Please dont make it another bad day.
Tried calling kiat and xiao ly so many times, then i called choon seng for the second time and he picked up! Finally! Ah... told him i'll be really late and apologise on behalf of me to Ms. Tee.
So, I got ready as fast as I could and left the house. It was a bumper-to-bumper jam sorta thing. Took me almost an hour to reach KDU area and the best thing is, the guard didnt let me into the college to park!!!! I freaking saw a lot of parking lots available... But I heard that it is reserved for KDU staff after 8am. WTH. Hence, I went to my usual spot. Guess what? The owner did some gardening and bags of grasses and unwanted plants flood my usual spot. So I had to go for the next available place. Great, finally I parked somewhere a LIL further than my usual spot. Then there's this ah ma ( old granny) told me not to park there because the owner of the opposite house would spoil my car or scratch my car or sth. I was like...... urgh.
Fine, I went all the way further down which is probably double the distance of walking to college from my usual spot. But I never realise the houses further down have such nice environment.
By then, it's almost 9.00am but not 9.00am yet! So it's like half-way hanging. If I rushed to further stats. They'd be leaving the room... So I didn't do my ugly walking (that is the running sorta walking and I know how horrible I look when I do that because people around me will just give this weird kinda look, LOL)
As I walk pass the houses, I was somehow amused by the spacious land and the tranquility of that area... Mmmmmm... Fresh air and squirrels hopping around! =) I passed by this house which I'd always give a curious stare at because of the weird windmill and pretty messed up furnitures arnd the car porch area. Today, there's an old granny sweeping the floor outside the gate. I looked at her. She gave me the same look. Slowly... slowly... We smiled =). Awww... With the bright morning sun shining on us. Mmmmm... Cozy. That granny's most likely of a baba-nyonya heritage because she totally look like a chinese but she wears those kinda sarong thing.
A stranger with a smile, enlighten up my morning hassle a lil. =)
The scent of the flowers and the fragrant of morning breakfast from houses around too.
Then as I get closer and closer to college, it's the filthy road with the noisy cars around. Ah, the stress on almost every bypasser's face. I'm back into reality. I hurried to the class. Ms. Loh was already there. Thankfully, it wasn't really a bad one despite not finishing her work.
And so, classes went on as usual. Physics was alright. Also fortunately, he did not demand us on passing up the homework which I haven't finish either. After the break, felt a lil slpy as Mr. Loo talked abt "capacitors and capacitance". Honestly, my brain capacitance was really low at that moment of time, to absorb knowledge abt Mr. Loo's "capacitors and capacitance" story. Lol.
After physics, it'd be further maths again. Finished at 2pm. Should have told Joshua to bring forward the meeting time. Anyways, I went to 7 eleven to get my fav black forest chocettes to indulge myself after the saturating facts in my brain throughout the day. As usual, as I walk alone. Things come into mind. Of course it was kevin that I was thinking about. Maybe he's right. I'm not getting use to the breaking up thing. Maybe we should stop getting so emotionally involved with each other? Can I start calling him uppa again? Haha. No doubt, on and off, to think of it, kinda hurts. It actually felt like I'm going through the 'putus cinta' process. Aha. Well, they say it'll take you about at least half of the time a couple were together to get over each other. So, if we hadn't take this break, this will be our 9th month. Perhaps, we both will need about, say, 5 months time to get over this? Sigh. All kinds of possibilities I've imagined would happen in future. Just don't know which will come true. Funny how things happened huh?
Ah. Self-inflicting misery. Self-conflicts.
But I believe whatever happens in future will be the best for everyone. Have faith. Yes, Jinni, have faith. Kevin too, have faith.
All of a sudden, a bunch of people broken the silence of thoughts in me. I thought they were just trying to disturb me or sth. Rupa-rupanyer, that fellow was trying alert me that my money in my pocket is sort of dropping out. Okay, again I'm awaken to the reality. Back in college. Tried to solve the further maths questions. As usual, time flew especially fast when it comes to fm ques.
Aisha's call alarmed me that it was already time for Leo Club Meeting. Ahaks.
Leo meeting was fine. Of course it's fun without the Lions' grumbling and complaints. =)
We do it OUR way. Ah. Best thing ever.
I got so excited over Li Wern's badge designs also =) I think those are goina be sellable, like totally. =p
Uuuuu, I wana work at the place Joshua's working. Not bad eyh, can earn quite a lot.
After meeting, went home straight away. Rather dull and plain day. All I did at home was to eat and eat and eat... Ah, one of my favourite passtime I guess. Not that I like it, I just don't know what to do. Not that I'm emo, just can't help but to pass time by stuffing myself. Watch drama. Cry a lil. Miss him a lil. Trying to forget him a lil.
Yes. just like vincent always say, a lil bit of everything.
Indeed, this post is all about a lil bit of everything.
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