:)

you know how simple it is to make me smile? :)
and yes, i love day dreaming too. haha

i hate the way you deter my determinedness everytime!
ahh.

i hate it when you wish to reach the person you're thinking of but you're just not allowed to do so.
ahh.

i hate it when you know you dont feel good but you have to keep telling yourself that you feel just fine.

and i hate it when you feel all the above but just cant express em out!

that's the way it should be.

good job Jinni Gan. good job.
never been better.

im proud of you.
that's really the way it should be.
you've grown up and you did well.

we will see how it goes.
at least u've got your point across. =)
dont feel bad at all!
you deserve this.

The Pre-Exam Journal

-24th Nov 2010-
10.05pm:
Dinner. Instant (Purple Wheat) Noodle + Ikan Bilis Soup Stock.

-25th Nov 2010-
1.05am:
It seem like a never ending job.
Just when I thought I'm done with it..
When will I get to study?
I need MORE caffeine. MOREEE.

1.55am:
Done with biz mag follow up. Not exactly... Lots more to go.
But those are left for tomorrow.
Going to work on script for presentation 8 hours later.

3.30am:
Again it's a no study day. =(
Im worried. Exam's in a week plus time. How?

***Updates***
2.35pm:
Presentation was alright. At least for my part I guess.
As a group, it wasnt too good.. Yikes.
Anyways, glad everything's over and done with.

Goina officially start studying!! Yay.
Probably goina hang a "Study in progress. Do not disturb" sign at the door. LOL.

***Updates***
-26th Nov 2010-
3.09am:
I started studying at about 3.30pm. Then nap in between and quite a lot of distraction. Not very productive..
Perhaps better luck in the library later in the morning?

Loving and Feeling every single bit of this song:


Good night! :)

How to deal with it.

(Another previously unpublished draft)
Okay, I was tempted to start off writing this post with the F word.
oh no!!! Too much of hanging out with guys! Utterly influenced.

Been busy. Around and about. Juggling between academics and non-academics.
Competing with time.
Looking for inspiration.

Too much of stuff going on in my mind.

How do I cope?
I thought maybe I could share some of the tips of dealing with this kinda issue based on my personal experience.
On the other hand, it's like penning down reminders for myself so that I wont forget from time to time.

(i) Breakdown consistently! A must must!

(ii)Never write out a long list of what you have to do. You stress yourself out for nothing!
list should be as simple and short as possible!
separate timetable and tasks.

(iii) You have only a pair of hands and one brain. One thing at a time. Focus and dont think of the rest of the tasks. Or i should i say, "get wired in" (totally facebook-anized, lol, you'll know what i mean if u've watched social network) and the rest of the worries come later.

***Updated: 24 Nov 2010***
(Realised I have too many unpublished posts and decided to just post em all even if they're incomplete/not furnished. The above was written exactly one month ago!)

(iv) One day you will realized you put in so much effort to not be appreciated. People complain. But it's fine. It's human nature. They can't possibly go through everything you've gone through and come back to you to show how much they appreciate you.
So tell yourself it's fine. And go on to do whatever you think is right.
No, you didnt do a bad job. But you will definitely do better next time.

So they're given away..

Irony but somehow the singaporean slang comes handy to my current situation now.

"Heck CARE la! Finish ady, suan liao!"

Haha. =)

An insight into our learning culture

(18th November 2010, unpublished draft)

You know, the locals (and malaysians are very similar in this case),
they love to get over and done with things without putting much effort into the thought process or whatsoever.

Their favourite lines are, "Heck care! Hantam only!", "Just smoke lar..","Just fast fast finish up then submit can liao.. Dont need to care so much wan!" etc.

Of course I am not generalizing the people here (and I am not denying Malaysians aren't any better in this case, I dont know about other SEA countries, hence, no comment on the rest).
But I think majority of us here, behave in such a way.

Today's tutorial class made me realised how shameful it is to be part of such learning culture.
I believe there're no stupid questions (though there could be lame questions) but we just fail to see that.
Fail to see that THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS in which is a huge crime in learning process!
At least, I believe so.

He maybe asking a lot of questions, you think he's being anal about lil things which in my opinion, it is not!
I think his questions make sense even though he might not be right.

It was a disgrace to witness such scene because I think if similar situation was to happen in some universities abroad, people would have 'argued' in such a way that they give constructive comments.
Instead, people here shoot you down by saying things which imply, "Com'on, stop asking questions! What's wrong with you!" and also thoughts like "We shall not ask so many questions, so that in return, you wont shoot us down when my group is presenting.."

and it was even more disgraceful because I was part of them. because i kept silence when everyone else were clapping to support the guy who shot him down. when I could have make a sound statement, voice out everything that is going through my mind. BUT i just didnt. It did not occur to me that I had to speak them out. Hence, showed how I am part of these screwed-up, nonsensical learning culture which I am not proud of.

And this. is our learning culture.

Shit happens. But it doesnt mean you're a shit!

I want to earn my 1st million dollar before 25 years old.
and backpack around the world for one year.

Then come back and do sth great.

Need a lil prayer?

Calm down Jinni Gan...
Calmmm down.

Just, no distraction and utilize every moment you have now.
One thing at a time...
One thing in mind at a time...

*breathe in*breathe out*

Okay, i need someone to tell me sth to make me feel better.

Tell me I havent been doing too bad a job. =/

HMMM.. okay, i guess nobody's goina tell me that now..
so i shall tell myself... let bygones be bygones.