what has been done, has been done. what has to be done, has to be done.
So, now, jinni, all you have to do is, make things right and do the right things.
Stop whining and complaining!
YES.

frustration and indifference

shooooooootttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i freaking just woke up!
cuz my watch stopped at 2am...
n i looked at ma hp it's already 6am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahuhuhuhuhuhuh....
i wana die d la............
can i not go to college...........
i havent done any of my work obviously it's cuz im too tired to..
lecturers............... can u all try to understand our situation??????????????????????????
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
n i hafta go get ready to go for further stats ady! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
heck la... i dont care... die means die la!

what do I want in life?

How do I want to walk down the path as I age? Which route would I wana choose?

The road not taken? Perhaps be a superwoman and explore the Universe like I always dreamt of?
Or just a simple blissful life with my loved ones around and ask for nth else, like I always dreamt of too?

Thing is, like what I've been telling myself lately, the future is not in our hand to judge, the past dwelves in our memories, so just appreciate every moment we have right now because we'll never know what's goina happen at the very next second.
But what I do and decide today will impact my future. And it's not the small lil things. It's about how I am going to live at least the next half of my life.

Do I really wana be an engineer? Or do I wana become an astronaut in order to seek an answer to my questions? Or do I wana get involve in what I like to do most, sth creative, or sth to do with organizing and planning? Or do I wana just run a small business by the beach or high up in the hill with lots and lots of relaxation?

So, what do I want?

What do I really want? It's so contradicting and I'm still thinking why am I sitting for a Physics paper tomorrow. Lol. I guess it doesn't really matter "why" now... I've chose to take up A-level, so I guess I have my responsibilities to finish what I am to finish. I guess same goes to the next half of my life. Like my dad once said, 'There's nothing much to regret about. What happened has happened.' If it's what you chose to do, I guess you should have been aware of the various possible consequences.

In life, there are so much of temptations and distractions. Just like I am suppose to go through my physics right now, but I'm not. Instead, I am here blogging. Lol. What the hell...

Living up to my dreams of seeking an answer to answer my curiousity from the Universe sounds honourable and at the same time, risky and almost impossible.
Living up to my dreams of living blissfully with my loved ones sounds amazing, but humans are never contented. So am I able to live a simple life w/o asking for more?
Living up to my dreams of being a superwoman and earn lots of money to indulge myself, sounds tempting... But, what about my dream of reaching out to the poverty and the helpless ones? Isn't it unfair if I'm indulging when they suffer?

____________________________________________________________________

He may not have went all the way to hk to buy me a CD j'adore perfume and give me RM1 every single time we meet, he may have got me so impatient waiting for him sometimes and made me down sometimes, BUT he loved me for all I am and I know he would do anything to put a smile on me just like how I would. That's all that matters. =)

____________________________________________________________________

Okay, actually I'm pretty blur right now and FREAK!! I havent even finish a single paper from the physics past year which I've been doing since afternoon! Ah!
and I'm feeling sleepy already...... Sigh.

I hope I still can ace my physics... but I'm not really doing anything... Ah, I don't know... I just don't want to dissappoint my parents. But I guess life's like that, sometimes you just hafta do what you don't like to do. It's not a choice.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIE

Happy birthday chyi. I love you so much!!
You're always there for me since young =)

6.21am 16th November 2008

What do I have to do? be indifferent?

6.20am-16th November 2008 (sunday)

Listening to Sarah McLachlan's songs... Quite a lot of nice songs. Which perfectly fits my mood right now... Sigh

Artist: Sarah McLachlan
Title: Do what you have to do
Album: Surfacing
Lyrics:
What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how To let you go
I don't know how To let you go
A glowing ember Burning hot Burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

heaven take my hand please...

i just need to express myself right now.
it's 5.20am in the morning. I'm not sleeping yet.
and in a while more, my family will be leaving to singapore.
I'll be home alone again.
That feeling sucks.
and that kevin leaves my life,
that sucks too. utterly.
I miss him a lot. I really do.
But who am I suppose to tell all these to?
I wonder how is he doing right now...
Is he coping well? Is he devastated?
Trying to forget about me?
I thought I'd be okay. Truth is, I'm not.
But I dont want to show it to anyone.
and so I resort to crying myself to sleep everynight.
I still have 3 more papers and I'm done, but I have no mood at all to study for the rest of my exams already.
I really really need a break.
I just wana go somewhere far away. I want to go to UK or US for my degree.
Expand my social network and broaden my horizon.
But I will miss my family and friends here. Of course, kevin too.
It's till lately that I found out, how much I love my family, daddy mommy especially, and my close friends. True ones. Of course that includes chyi. It's been quite hard for me to talk to tasha. Because she's always preoccupied or she'd go offline suddenly.

Rica called me. I'm glad I talked to her. I miss all my high school true friends. Of course, I'm glad to have all my classmates right now. I love them too.

This is my first post here. I wished it's filled with sth jolly. But I guess this blog will be just for me to read. Or more like for me to write and forget?

Voices in my heart:
I wish I can look into your eyes and just tell you how much I miss you right now. (As tears roll down)

I'm going to flood the whole room. Lol.