原来我还是会心痛的。
其实，不只是你一个人在破解答案，你一个人在苦痛着。
我真的搞不懂。。。请你不要再混乱我的思想了。
如果你觉得你一直以来都在迁就着我，
那你又知不知道我也一直在迁就着你的感受？
你说我不够坦白，其实更让人摸不着头绪的，是你呀！
哭并不代表脆弱。
如果哭出来，能给你一股更坚强的力量，那就放声大哭吧！
Why do people always associate crying together with being weak?
If the tears make you feel better and crying gives you a greater strength,
THEN CRY OUT LOUD.
有我在。
I'm here.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Responsibilities
when others' convenience became your inconvenience..
when kindness is a mistake..when kindness is a fault..
when u're caught in between..
who would have understand how I FEEL?
I am lectured like a kid when I'm turning 20! (NOT GOOD)
and I hate to admit this,but I'm crying.
aihz. it's time to turn to my thyroid pills.
okay, i feel a lot better. yes i did eat my pills.
no, it's not the pills taking effect so fast.
yes it's cos im done crying. LOL.
i dont know how to explain my situation.
but seriously, how about feeling sorry for me?
OKAY. I hope i can study tonight. foo~
Monday, January 25, 2010
Let it all out.
If this is what you wanted, then honour it.
Thing around arent any better for you,
doesnt mean you should make it harder for yourself.
Not feeling good? Find a way to vent out the sucky feelings you've long beared.
Anything. Anyhow.
Slam on your guitar, piano, dance, sing out loud, jump, cry, whatever!
Feel alive again. Make yourself feel good.
That's primary. The rest are secondary.
Thing around arent any better for you,
doesnt mean you should make it harder for yourself.
Not feeling good? Find a way to vent out the sucky feelings you've long beared.
Anything. Anyhow.
Slam on your guitar, piano, dance, sing out loud, jump, cry, whatever!
Feel alive again. Make yourself feel good.
That's primary. The rest are secondary.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Do u talk to urself in ur mind a lot?
I slept at about 3 odd a.m. yesterday(or today, whichever u prefer).
but it felt like i couldnt sleep properly.
it felt as if a lot of things are running across my mind.
by right, i should be sleeping like pig and wake up and 11+am.
but i was already conscious probably abt 7am.
and continued to sleep with these voices in my brain.
i woke up abt 9+am and saw an sms from lydia the florist saying,
"Friends, visit www.assemblehappinest.com or contact me for our flower bouquets catalogue this Valentine's Day! Contact us Today to avoid disappointment :)"
I'm like okaY~... so much so for a reminder and a GOOD morning.
Then i straight away on my laptop and check stuffz for the v-day event.
My main concern is still the beanbags part. I desperately need an alternative to it.
Plus all these were notified so last minute i've only a tight schedule of about 2 weeks plus to make sure everything goes right.
Mmmm. I need to call for meeting 2mr.
(lol, chehhhh... serious nyer. Haha)
Of course there's the academic stuff that are bothering me la.. Okay, it's more like procrastination annoys me.
Yeah. Have u ever talk to urself in ur mind a lot?
I wonder if it's only me? Or does everyone else does that too?
It's like a 2-way conversation going on in your brain. You tell yourself sth, then there's another voice telling the 1st voice to think otherwise, like be positive OR sometimes it's like u asked urself a question, then the 2nd voice will give u an answer... Those kinda thing..
Do you guys experience that?
Hmmmm.
HAHA.
mmm... wait till 10th feb is over. Hopefully then i can sigh in relief. =) at least my burden aint so heavy no more by then ;)
but it felt like i couldnt sleep properly.
it felt as if a lot of things are running across my mind.
by right, i should be sleeping like pig and wake up and 11+am.
but i was already conscious probably abt 7am.
and continued to sleep with these voices in my brain.
i woke up abt 9+am and saw an sms from lydia the florist saying,
"Friends, visit www.assemblehappinest.com or contact me for our flower bouquets catalogue this Valentine's Day! Contact us Today to avoid disappointment :)"
I'm like okaY~... so much so for a reminder and a GOOD morning.
Then i straight away on my laptop and check stuffz for the v-day event.
My main concern is still the beanbags part. I desperately need an alternative to it.
Plus all these were notified so last minute i've only a tight schedule of about 2 weeks plus to make sure everything goes right.
Mmmm. I need to call for meeting 2mr.
(lol, chehhhh... serious nyer. Haha)
Of course there's the academic stuff that are bothering me la.. Okay, it's more like procrastination annoys me.
Yeah. Have u ever talk to urself in ur mind a lot?
I wonder if it's only me? Or does everyone else does that too?
It's like a 2-way conversation going on in your brain. You tell yourself sth, then there's another voice telling the 1st voice to think otherwise, like be positive OR sometimes it's like u asked urself a question, then the 2nd voice will give u an answer... Those kinda thing..
Do you guys experience that?
Hmmmm.
HAHA.
mmm... wait till 10th feb is over. Hopefully then i can sigh in relief. =) at least my burden aint so heavy no more by then ;)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
University
You know how people always have mindset of their own and certain benchmarks to judge things and other people?
Cognitive schemata it seems.
It's strange, lil things like eye contact might not be essential during conversations (Or at least when you introduce yourself to someone) in certain cultures; What is real in this world; The assumptions we made based on observations unconsciously etc...
These small lil things never came across my mind before. Or at least, I wasn't aware of them.
University.
University life.
I think it kinda gave me a purpose to be alive. (well, in a way..)
Professor rusli was right about what we're learning these days (not sure if it's only our uni or singapore uni or what) are generally more diluted but covering a broader scope.
Which is true.
I kinda find a balance of the scientific side and artistic/philosophical side of me.
Seriously,
For a mechanical engineering student,
Who has to learn from physics & maths (these are predicted right?)
TO life sciences(biology stuff, ugh)
TO economics (@@)
TO effective communication (which is where I learned about the cognitive schemata)
TO acting and representation in theatre & film ?
"Oh, give me a break already. Are you serious? You hafta learn all that?"
If that's what you think, trust me, there's more to it ;)
HaHA, yes I'm serious. Well the 'acting and representation in theatre & film' is an elective la.
Nevertheless, still! haha.
(Btw, the 'acting and representation in theatre & film', yes we watch movies, but it's not the MOVIES WE WATCH all the time, at least no so much of that kind. And trust me, it's very philosophical- which is what I love about it. It allows me to explore the 'artistic' side of me. =P )
Yep, to add on, there're activities, talks, exchange opportunities etc.
There's a lot to learn. A LOT to learn really.
I think university should NOT be about getting good grades and study and study and STUDIES only. (It shouldn't be about studying, it should be about learning)
BUT whY? WHY do people always make it that way?
I mean, it's the true learning that will get you far.
NOT the grades. Those are short term.
WE always forget the genuine purpose of what we're doing.
WE TEND TO FORGET the roots.
My ultimate point is, WE ARE LIVING IN THIS BOX and hell yeah, we gotta kick this box out of here and set ourselves free! Dude, it's like plato's allegory of the cave.
Open up your mind and delve in deeper.
I for one, has always thought I am a quite open minded person myself.
And today, I realise, not quite~ Really. Not quite yet~
When I say open minded, I don't mean, OH yea~ I don't mind walking on the streets naked kinda thing. No no no no. I meant open up your eyes, your soul, there's a lot more, TOO MUCH more to see in this Universe.
Haha, kay, despite all the things that inspire me in university, it's a lil hectic schedule, i've gotta say. Actually, the schedule's alright. Just that the travelling part kinda take a toll on me. At times, I reach home about 11+pm, other times, probably 9pm or so.
*TODAY'S THE DAY I REACHED HOME EARLIEST! AND I AM SO GLAD I FINALLY GET TO SLEEPPPPP WELLLL!!! WIPPEEE!! =D*
Yeah, it's also because I'm in my school's sub-committee. Planning on events and I'm the group leader for one of the event. And if you know me well enough, you should know I'm very particular about these things.
Yessa, I'm a perfectionist.
You know what, maybe I should really consider going into like event organizing industry after i graduate =P
~There's something in me which arouse the urge of offering help to people and to connect with people. I wana get out of this box that I'm restricted in. I want an outreach.~
---------------------------
today's diary:
urgh. I didnt do my tutorial because I was so worn out by the time i'm home yesterday night. I felt utterly annoyed with the fact that I cant get things done. (Not quite sure what's going on during physics tutorial. :( i hate.) I gotta improve on my time management. I also gotta improve on structuring my mind. I'm always all over the place. urgh.
okay, talk abt sth more enlightening. yoga works =) i feel it on my muscles. really hope i can go for like proper lessons. And darn, i gotta stop stalking :p gahahahaha.
signing off,
with love,
jinni =)
Cognitive schemata it seems.
It's strange, lil things like eye contact might not be essential during conversations (Or at least when you introduce yourself to someone) in certain cultures; What is real in this world; The assumptions we made based on observations unconsciously etc...
These small lil things never came across my mind before. Or at least, I wasn't aware of them.
University.
University life.
I think it kinda gave me a purpose to be alive. (well, in a way..)
Professor rusli was right about what we're learning these days (not sure if it's only our uni or singapore uni or what) are generally more diluted but covering a broader scope.
Which is true.
I kinda find a balance of the scientific side and artistic/philosophical side of me.
Seriously,
For a mechanical engineering student,
Who has to learn from physics & maths (these are predicted right?)
TO life sciences(biology stuff, ugh)
TO economics (@@)
TO effective communication (which is where I learned about the cognitive schemata)
TO acting and representation in theatre & film ?
"Oh, give me a break already. Are you serious? You hafta learn all that?"
If that's what you think, trust me, there's more to it ;)
HaHA, yes I'm serious. Well the 'acting and representation in theatre & film' is an elective la.
Nevertheless, still! haha.
(Btw, the 'acting and representation in theatre & film', yes we watch movies, but it's not the MOVIES WE WATCH all the time, at least no so much of that kind. And trust me, it's very philosophical- which is what I love about it. It allows me to explore the 'artistic' side of me. =P )
Yep, to add on, there're activities, talks, exchange opportunities etc.
There's a lot to learn. A LOT to learn really.
I think university should NOT be about getting good grades and study and study and STUDIES only. (It shouldn't be about studying, it should be about learning)
BUT whY? WHY do people always make it that way?
I mean, it's the true learning that will get you far.
NOT the grades. Those are short term.
WE always forget the genuine purpose of what we're doing.
WE TEND TO FORGET the roots.
My ultimate point is, WE ARE LIVING IN THIS BOX and hell yeah, we gotta kick this box out of here and set ourselves free! Dude, it's like plato's allegory of the cave.
Open up your mind and delve in deeper.
I for one, has always thought I am a quite open minded person myself.
And today, I realise, not quite~ Really. Not quite yet~
When I say open minded, I don't mean, OH yea~ I don't mind walking on the streets naked kinda thing. No no no no. I meant open up your eyes, your soul, there's a lot more, TOO MUCH more to see in this Universe.
Haha, kay, despite all the things that inspire me in university, it's a lil hectic schedule, i've gotta say. Actually, the schedule's alright. Just that the travelling part kinda take a toll on me. At times, I reach home about 11+pm, other times, probably 9pm or so.
*TODAY'S THE DAY I REACHED HOME EARLIEST! AND I AM SO GLAD I FINALLY GET TO SLEEPPPPP WELLLL!!! WIPPEEE!! =D*
Yeah, it's also because I'm in my school's sub-committee. Planning on events and I'm the group leader for one of the event. And if you know me well enough, you should know I'm very particular about these things.
Yessa, I'm a perfectionist.
You know what, maybe I should really consider going into like event organizing industry after i graduate =P
~There's something in me which arouse the urge of offering help to people and to connect with people. I wana get out of this box that I'm restricted in. I want an outreach.~
---------------------------
today's diary:
urgh. I didnt do my tutorial because I was so worn out by the time i'm home yesterday night. I felt utterly annoyed with the fact that I cant get things done. (Not quite sure what's going on during physics tutorial. :( i hate.) I gotta improve on my time management. I also gotta improve on structuring my mind. I'm always all over the place. urgh.
okay, talk abt sth more enlightening. yoga works =) i feel it on my muscles. really hope i can go for like proper lessons. And darn, i gotta stop stalking :p gahahahaha.
signing off,
with love,
jinni =)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Im Still Breathing =)
You know how I always wana write so many things in my blog but ended up either not in the mood or short of time to do that?
And how I mentioned this SO many times before?
haha :p
well, long story cut short, this post's goina be in point form.
1. Accidents happen in life. I guess, we should always allow some anticipation for the unexpected. Hmmm?
2. I dont remember what to say already... Cos I'm starting to feel blur again... zzz...
HAha.
So much so for the 1st day of my 2nd week. Took me half-an-hour to walk all the way in. =/ I'll update u guys more on this some other day i guess. I should be reading. But I'm really tempted to blog. Cos..this is the only place my thoughts wont be feeling lonely =P
因为每当我感觉空虚的时候，这儿是我最能依赖的地方。
cos when my soul feels empty, this is a place where i can depend on.
I just gotta spill it out u know. hehe.
I miss you all ♥
at the end of the day, i still think abt u.
-argh, the v-day event is so close and i feel so unprepared! :( procrastination on workloads annoys me too. argh :( -
And how I mentioned this SO many times before?
haha :p
well, long story cut short, this post's goina be in point form.
1. Accidents happen in life. I guess, we should always allow some anticipation for the unexpected. Hmmm?
2. I dont remember what to say already... Cos I'm starting to feel blur again... zzz...
HAha.
So much so for the 1st day of my 2nd week. Took me half-an-hour to walk all the way in. =/ I'll update u guys more on this some other day i guess. I should be reading. But I'm really tempted to blog. Cos..this is the only place my thoughts wont be feeling lonely =P
因为每当我感觉空虚的时候，这儿是我最能依赖的地方。
cos when my soul feels empty, this is a place where i can depend on.
I just gotta spill it out u know. hehe.
I miss you all ♥
at the end of the day, i still think abt u.
-argh, the v-day event is so close and i feel so unprepared! :( procrastination on workloads annoys me too. argh :( -
Sunday, January 17, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAI LOU
Haha, happy birthday dai lou. Wanted to surprise you earlier but duno where are u now. Tried calling your phone and couldnt get through just now. I suppose u wont be reading this post before we're seeing you today, so yep, *cross fingers*
Yeah, neways, today's kiat's birthday, 20 years old. OLD. TSK TSK.
Haha, soon, it'll be me.
I dont know why but im feeling.. I dont know how to describe this. Irritatingly-emo?
Grh. I hate this feeling. Why am I feeling this way?
I dont understand either.
2nd week of Uni. Days will slowly become busier and busier?
Hmmm. Tutorials are starting. AND LAB, oh gosh, i hate lab sessions.
Then I'm goina be busy for MAE v-day event i guess? At least the planning part n the executing part. Just realise i've less tha 4 weeks to work with my team for that. =/
Then it's activities. Wootsa. Signed up for yoga and goina sign up for dance sport perhaps? SALSA babey~ :p
Yep. I feel like breaking into tears right now. Actually already had. Why ah?
Could it be cos im irritated due to all the undone works?
Could it be the weather?
Could it be not going out?
Could it be you?
Could it be thyroid?
Sighs. Sms-ing tara. And i miss her a lot too.
Just cos I'm losing my way, doesn't mean Im goina let myself continue losing my way.
I know i'll be fine in just a while.
Once again, happy birthday dai lou. Heart u as always ;) hugs
Yeah, neways, today's kiat's birthday, 20 years old. OLD. TSK TSK.
Haha, soon, it'll be me.
I dont know why but im feeling.. I dont know how to describe this. Irritatingly-emo?
Grh. I hate this feeling. Why am I feeling this way?
I dont understand either.
2nd week of Uni. Days will slowly become busier and busier?
Hmmm. Tutorials are starting. AND LAB, oh gosh, i hate lab sessions.
Then I'm goina be busy for MAE v-day event i guess? At least the planning part n the executing part. Just realise i've less tha 4 weeks to work with my team for that. =/
Then it's activities. Wootsa. Signed up for yoga and goina sign up for dance sport perhaps? SALSA babey~ :p
Yep. I feel like breaking into tears right now. Actually already had. Why ah?
Could it be cos im irritated due to all the undone works?
Could it be the weather?
Could it be not going out?
Could it be you?
Could it be thyroid?
Sighs. Sms-ing tara. And i miss her a lot too.
Just cos I'm losing my way, doesn't mean Im goina let myself continue losing my way.
I know i'll be fine in just a while.
Once again, happy birthday dai lou. Heart u as always ;) hugs
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)