22nd June 2009 (MONDAY) 10.00am

My eyes are a lil swollen. Yes, cos' i cried yesterday night. Why?
Thanks to my brothers. I was really frustrated yesterday night partially cos im tired, also cos I really wanted to use the Internet and reached home at 9.30pm to get to know that the Internet can only be used till 7pm INSTEAD OF 10pm NOW!! I was like, wtf!
Cos my brothers didn’t do well in exams. And I hafta give in even though I have finished my A-levels. Sigh. I didn’t get to say bye properly to quite a few of them yesterday night at the bus stop. I wanted to sms but my hp’s battery died.

I was eager to get home to use the Internet, in the end, I couldn’t use the internet; I wanted to charge my hp, my brothers wouldn’t lend me the charger, pissed me off even MORE; I switched the sim card to that stupid Samsung phone, I received msgs BUT i couldn’t read em! F! When I switched it back to the sony ericsson, the hp got problem also!
F F F!
I was so grumpy that I wanted to call someone to let it all out but couldn’t get through any of em!
F F F F!
Plus, my parents left to Singapore early this morning and mom was constantly reminding me to do stuff like what time to fetch my brothers to and back from school and tuitions, house chores to do, dad kept telling me how to plan timetable with my brothers and give ‘em tuition... Bla bla bla bla...
F F F F F!
Lol. Imagine how frustrated and grumpy I was. I didn’t scold or scream or shout at people or anything, instead, i just cried. In the end, managed to call yee chin and felt better. I just needed someone to talk to.
After some time, I fell asleep while replying kor’s msg.

Redang trip was alright. Yeah, overall quite fun. =D
Small lil things happened. Nonetheless, i miss redang and my friends. And yee chin, thanks for being there all the time.
Haha. The first day was really tiring initially cos kiat, choon and I had to wait so long to get to the resort and we were splitted from the others. So yeah...
Hmmm... I guess I won’t be telling the details of the trip here. I might upload photos in facebook or sth, perhaps photos will tell more or less of here and there.
Here’s roughly what happened:

First day, snorkelling at marine park, chill out by the beach in the evening, camwhore with kor a bit =D it’s all in syafiq’s camera. Hopefully he’ll upload em. Card games+ alcohol + truth or dare at night.
I was kinda drunk. LOL. Not really drunk la. I was still conscious. Just that heart was beating really fast and i could feel the heat and i bet it was damn obvious my face was VERY red. Yeah, I really don’t have good alcohol tolerance.

2nd day, morning snorkel with kiat, belle, choon and shathis, afternoon chillax with yc when the rest went snorkelling. In between there’s a lot of chatting session. Haha, I must say Shaun and Sabrina really blend in well with us. Really nice to hang out with. =D
At night, the girls wanted to prank on the guys when they’re asleep. In the end, nobody was in the mood already. But im really glad we dance like mad at the “party” thingy. So, this is how clubbing feels like. HAHA =D but choon said this is only like 30% of the clubbing feeling cos it’s without alcohol. Kiat, choon and I didn’t have enough of it. We took a break to drink and go toilet and when we got back there, it was ending already. So sad... =(
(so yeah, we’re planning on a clubbing trip and genting trip. Lol. One thing though, I don’t think clubbing will be as fun or rather as comfortable as dancing that day cos we were all actually sorta in pajamas! Wakakakaka. And flip flops... So it was comfortable dancing. )

3rd day’s basically the day we’re leaving already (which is yesterday). Everybody had to wake up early in the morning. Things felt different. I don’t know why or how. It all slowly happens. Perhaps it’s just us, human complicating stuffs that are so simple.
And so, we had our LONG LONG 7 hours journey back home.
and now i really miss all of you and the island when we’re all back to our own life. Sigh. That’s how it works i guess. Fun then work then fun then work. Haha.
I love you all! Big hugs and mucho kisses! =D

karaoke to the max! :)

i saw tek yen in MNG the curve just now. Well, basically she's working there. Yes, the usual response i get from those who know me during high school or earlier times. "OMG, why are u so fat?!? Become fei po already! OMG, what happen to u!!! U're really a fatty now!!!"

Gosh, god damn it. I wish I could leave that place in a blink of an eye. I hated myself so much at that very moment. I wished there's a hole for me to jump in and hide from everyone. Sobs and Argh.

Despite all the grudge and sadness, i did had great fun today. Karaoke with buddies and night at the museum was hilarious, lol.

and im really sleepy now...... hopefully going gym with huishan tomorrow.

urgh. so annoyed. hafta study but dont feel like it. urgh. urgh.

I hope with no expectations. -Jinni

sigh. Dilemma indeed. It's like, i want to but yet don't dare to. I don't know what to or how to think either. Gosh, i wasted another day not studying. Im just slacking like hell. I slept almost throughout the day. It feels good. But i slowly feel afraid if i don't start studying, later not enough time to study again.

I just feel reluctant... Sigh.

and this song "unfair" by kate voegele is damn nice! Check out her whole new album! Ahaks, chyi told me about it. Damn nice, check out!




the city sleeps
so silently
wish I could say the same for me
but Ive got this dead ended street
to keep searching
for a tunnel underneath the bitter truth
or a bridge invisible I wont fall through
and I dont know how much I can keep
letting you unravel me
cause the more you learn the more we share
we were worlds apart and you see
it was so much easier to be
cause now I know what we cant have and its so unfair
I never meant
most of those pretty words I said
but I wanted you to think I did
cause telling you all this makes no difference
its useless
cause those who get to know our hearts the most
they always seem to be the ones well never hold

chorus
cant you see its destroying me?
I cant stand the closeness
but dont you dare go avoiding me
it kills me and yet it keeps me going

chorus

你能分清楚爱和喜欢吗？

喜歡和愛咫尺千里。

當你喜歡一個人時，你想和他在一起，因為他會帶給你快樂；
離開後，你會想念，想著想著就會笑，然後繼續你平靜的生活，並期待著與他再一次重逢。
當你愛一個人時，你想和他在一起，那是一種牽腸掛肚的捨不得，怕他受委屈，怕他不能好好照顧自己；
離開後，你也會想念，想著想著歎一口氣，'不知他現在過的怎樣？'然後你繼續你平靜的生活，希望他早日回到你身邊。

你喜歡的人在你眼中是天使，無所不能，他總會滿足你的任性的要求。
你愛的人在你眼中是孩子，傻傻的，你不期望他做出什麼'好事'來，只一味縱容他那些讓人哭笑不得的舉動。

你會希望你喜歡的人陪著你，然而你心中想的可能是你愛的人；
你會希望陪在你愛的人身邊，看他在你面前睡得如此安逸甜美毫不設防的樣子，你會微笑，會覺得好幸福。

你喜歡的人傷害了你，你會生氣，並且一定要讓他哄著騙著逗你笑你才原諒他；
你愛的人傷害了你，你只會獨自傷心，因為你怕對他大吼大叫會嚇著他，你憂傷地微笑著，看著他的眼睛，一旦發現他的眼裡流露出歉意和悔恨，你會立即心疼地摟他在懷裡，那一刻，你也是幸福的。

你可以同時喜歡很多人，你會希望和很多人在一起，但也許很多年後你才發現，原來你愛的就只有那麼一個，就那麼一個，怎麼都不會變，你以為把他忘記了，其實只是忙的沒空想起而已，
對於你喜歡的人，你關注的是他的優點；
對於你愛的人，你關注的是他的缺點，並且，那些缺點如果無關原則的話，它們在你眼裡是可愛的，獨一無二的。

喜歡和愛其實只有一紙之隔，任何愛都從喜歡開始，
當有天你突然發現，你喜歡的那個人在你眼中不再完美，
而他的瑕疵正如月中的桂影一般讓你更加依依不捨，你會覺得與他光彩照人的一面相比，
你更願意看他在你面前無助的表情，不知道是不是應該祝賀你，
總之，你的感情昇華了


——仰慕不是愛，甚至不是喜歡，當你對一個人只有仰慕之情時，你們在一起便失去了和諧。有人說愛一個人很累，的確是，因為你想為他承擔，可是愛與喜歡相比最大的魅力就在於，當你和愛的人在一起時，你的感覺就像回家了！

okay. Guess wad? I'm in college now...

Yeah, i came all the way here to pass the labcoat and leo vest to siew wei. Thought of studying... But seriously had no mood. Plus, I'm having headache... Those feelings are damn sucky.
But i didn't wana waste petrol and toll money for nth, so i stayed on. stoning. spacing. at the garden area... Lol

Worst of all... No hp no credit already. Sux.
Then I was reading the messages in my inbox trying to delete some messages because... I have about 800 messages in my inbox! If i dont delete the old messages, the new ones wouldn't come in!

So, i was reading messages i kept since last year... Oh wells, u know me... sentimental people like choon... :p We keep 'meaningful' messages... HAHA. Then I realised how things have slowly changed. What is around last year at this time is not around this time this year.. Lol, confusing?
But i was seriously reminiscing... tuning my mind back to the time we just finished spm and waiting for results last year. February 2008... then started college... How i wasn't so close to choon, honey, kiat, xiao ly... How tasha, vik, kev and i used to visit tara together... and how tara wasn't that sick yet and cured for a moment... How i still meet rica and s.ling often...
Let's just say, things change accordingly to time. End of story. Haha.

and now... We're finishing our A-levels already. So fast huh? I was just talking to belle yesterday, remembered how we went from college to college? Well, basically it was just from HELP college to KDU college only la.. Definitely didn't regret coming to KDU rather than HELP =P

Haha, i wonder, how are we all goina walk down the next few years' journey of life...

good morning...

don't ask me why i can use the internet at this time... I dont know! Haha, i thought my dad reset the timer again. But anyways, it doesn't matter. As long as I can use it, I won't complain =P


today goina sit for further maths paper 2 and when im home studying tonight, i'd be damn stress i think. Aiyo, no point stress-ing myself out. Fact is, I wont have enough time to cover both physics and chemistry. So I guess, just maximise and see whatever I can do, the rest... Really, depends on my luck and fate, though I don't really trust luck lately.

mati langgar and tembak all the questions only! Kinda feel like, dont care ady... Yeah, just do my best la.

Can't wait till tomorrow's OVER!!!!!!! AAAAaaaaahhh! =D