don't lose your cool

these are one of the times i wana to smack myself on the head..!
hai yor ganjinniiiii, you were all over the place. get hold of yourself! tsk tsk tsk

#sane words#

Foolish.

i feel stupid.

i'm cleaning up my room and as usual digged out lots of stuff.

i found my first bday present from que.. awww.
and i also found a letter i wrote to maha which i didn't give it to her. it's about my 21st bday .. more like disappointments.. about how i treasure our friendship so much but it's not the same for her..

then i realise maybe i'm not only feeling insecure with will? maybe it's just me? needing so much of assurance?

how chyi is right about everybody wish to be treated the way they treat others but not receiving the equal doesn't mean it's not ideal?

well maybe some ppl are just not worth the tears..

My brain has not been functioning well lately.

Haha, I'm serious! I don't know why.. Maybe I've been rotting, having fun, drained (physically), yada yada..

Was in the slacking mode.. It's like you just feel so heavy you don't even wana move an inch as if it's goina take tonnes of your energy (which it really felt like that)..

BUT NO MORE JINNI! NO more slacking! Arghhh.

Yesterday when I was otw back from NTU to Tanah Merah, idk how we started talking about acad stuff. I usually am very reluctant to even think about it. Maybe the conversation flow so smoothly I didn't even realize we were talking about it!

And suddenly it struck me that I am entering Year 4 - Final year of University!
Also, talking to Mr. Wong in the afternoon..
GDI, suddenly I feel like there's so much to do and I HAVE TO start!

Wow.. amazing isn't it. How time flies. I will never forget how I was rushed into NTU and how I find year 3 seniors old when I was conversing with them during my first year; Look who's in year 4 now!

P.S. I am so happy with my single room! Thanks to Chee Peng! :D

(Hmmm, whatever happened to what you've strongly believed in? Not taking any action Jinni?)

Should I reconsider my choice.

I feel like running away from this.. whole rship thingy..

I think I get so paranoid. I get weak.. I don't like it..

As much as I am tough on the outside, how guys think I'm insensitive and all that.. I've got a fragile heart.

That's why I enveloped my heart with many layers of protective mechanism.. Once you removed those layers, I am nothing but a fragile heart.

And it's this kinda of time that I feel so helpless. I need so much of sense of security..

****Updates****

I feel better with a clearer mind now after talking to suga poppa..
but i dont know what to say to Will now.. Hmmm..
Maybe just leave it as it is first..?

WJB

I need you to know that I appreciate all these gestures.

With guilt, I realised how I've been telling you I want this, I want that, I live by my rules..

I thought that was just ME trying my best to be myself and not let you change me.

But what I didn't realise was that I am subconsciously comparing you to this set of standards I previously had and I REALLY shouldn't do that..

I'm opening up the doors.

", ily

You can do it jinnigannn.

I just know.

P.S. you just need to be more focus and less distracted. Sort it out. You'll get there ;)

Peace and Quiet.

It feels so good, sitting alone at the dining area by the sliding door,

just enjoying the breeze and eating some microwaved-leftover-food from dinner last night

while listening to the radio.

SO heavenly, at least for now and this few hours.
It's been such a long time since I was home alone, here in Tanah Merah at least.

I knocked out right away after sending Vincent off to the airport just now.. for about 2 hours?
Am sick.. Cough and all that..

But waking up finding peace and quiet at home, all by myself.. feels strangely incredible..
Kinda reminds me how I didn't like this feeling when I was in my 1st and 2nd year of my Uni years,

but learning to appreciate a bit of this?

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I want to live alone or complaining that I'm tired (which I am..),

it's just that I needed space and time alone.. after so long.

So good to have time for myself.. :) So much to do. Better get going.


I'm finally breathing.. :)