A hug and a kiss on the forehead, everything else melts away.. 🤗

Special delivery today ❤️

Fought with hubby this morning and he left to eat breakfast without me.
Was preparing angpow and
Bank account left $200..

I burst out crying - idk because of the fight or because of the bank account balance. Maybe both. Maybe more of latter.

Last night crying like shit watching last few episodes of Girl Boss on Netflix.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm married. Sometimes I wonder if we love each other romantically at all.
Sometimes I don't know why I married.
Sometimes... I just don't know what I'm doing...

Now I'm just sitting under the sun at the playground in front of my grandma's house not wanting to enter alone and get all the questions... Sitting under the hot sun, waiting for my man to enjoy his breakfast and take his stroll over..

Right. What a perfect morning to kickstart the day.

I look forward to the day I won't wake up feeling anxious...

Happy CNY! First year as a married woman. Lol. So far so good.
Wrote half way on the day before yesterday (初四) when I was at midvalley with him at A&W.

Had been feeling very lost and after yesterday's meeting with ADUN, I have truly shattered into pieces. Like the only reason why I held on so strongly to fixing transport issues have also been trashed.
Utterly disappointed by politics and its probably the same everywhere.

Today went to thean hou temple and prayed before sending him off to take bus back to SG. The masks were precautionary steps against coronavirus, lso commemorating this special year of rat.

I wasn't sure why I felt very tempted to 求签 and pushed to action for the very first time.

And this was what I got:

 While I know not to fully depend/trust this as I have always believe at the end of the day, 还是要靠自己, but I'll admit that it made me feel better reading it.

I seriously don't know what's gonna come and how else to lead my team now but I hope I'll figure out. With help 🙏😇

I am ready af for new adventures. 我只想对亏欠的人有个交代。

I need to sleep..

And Idk why I'm crying.. 

I feel so fking lonely & hurt inside.

Insecure.

It feels horrible when you know you can't afford to treat your family a meal, you can't buy the present they want. Can't give your parents money.

All the conversations they talked about, flight mileage and gold member and what not.. That my brother could buy a Xmas gift for my niece & I couldn't even afford this. It pains me inside out. That feeling of incapability.

And all that social media photos and videos of people travelling for holiday especially at this season.

One could not help but wonder how my life would have been if I continued to live a normal life & climb the corporate ladder. I could afford the house we probably would have been planning for; We would be on a honeymoon trip right now.

But nope, my husband (which sometimes I forgot that I'm married because wedding didn't feel like wedding to me for various reasons) is overseas working hard on the Biz we're working on. I'm alone. Here. Enviously looking at social media posts. Screaming inside but silent on the outside.
Not knowing if we would even survive this month. Just hoping for miracle to happen.

In debt. Way beyond what I could cope with. But still hanging on.

Yet still working on NGO efforts to help others.

Tell me, really, what are you thinking JNG?

Tell me, really, God - will this get any worse? Do kind souls really get what they deserve? :'(

什么时候才能不再让我的男人（们）继续热晒雨淋地做delivery呢？😩💔