It feels horrible when you know you can't afford to treat your family a meal, you can't buy the present they want. Can't give your parents money.
All the conversations they talked about, flight mileage and gold member and what not.. That my brother could buy a Xmas gift for my niece & I couldn't even afford this. It pains me inside out. That feeling of incapability.
And all that social media photos and videos of people travelling for holiday especially at this season.
One could not help but wonder how my life would have been if I continued to live a normal life & climb the corporate ladder. I could afford the house we probably would have been planning for; We would be on a honeymoon trip right now.
But nope, my husband (which sometimes I forgot that I'm married because wedding didn't feel like wedding to me for various reasons) is overseas working hard on the Biz we're working on. I'm alone. Here. Enviously looking at social media posts. Screaming inside but silent on the outside.
Not knowing if we would even survive this month. Just hoping for miracle to happen.
In debt. Way beyond what I could cope with. But still hanging on.
Yet still working on NGO efforts to help others.
Tell me, really, what are you thinking JNG?
Tell me, really, God - will this get any worse? Do kind souls really get what they deserve? :'(
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