You're..

an amazingly attractive, gorgeous, witty young lady.

You're Jinni :)

It's their loss ;)

Things to do when you're shove into darkness

1. Talk to your friends
2. Sleep on it
3. Wake up with a long hot shower to open up your mind
4. Do stuff you've always wanted to do but 'had no time for it'

Pain, anger and sadness are like shoving yourself into a room of darkness. But no, nobody's locking yourself in it. It's self-inflicting, it's your choice-to switch on the light and walk out of the door or keep hiding in darkness.

It's easier to stay where you are but it's a brighter world out there and all you need is a lil determination to walk out of it and set yourself free. Why not? :)

3 things I woke up to (in after-exam-morning):

1) No alarm clock
2) 10 mins of 'business' in the toilet + Stone for 20 mins
3) 10 mins of hot shower + 30 mins of Stoning in the hot shower

till my skin crumples...

Lol, these are the luxuries you don't get during exam period! ;)
Just empty your mind and wasting time.. Haha.

********************************************************
Thought of the day:
"I don't like to tell people what to do because everyone works differently.
I'd express my point of view and similar experiences I've gone through
just to shed some insight and feel for them.

If you ask me, how did I do it and want to learn from me; I say, Learn but do it your way.
Ways that worked for me but might not work for you.
Learn but your approach should be individualized.

Many people out there are trying to study successful icons and how they get there,
then they try to replicate hoping they'll end up the same.
What many forgotten is the reason for having 'case studies' is precisely because every case is unique.

I say, why Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Obama etc. are whom they are today because
they approached things their way and not anyone else's."

Today's a meaningful day simply because..

1. It's Yuyu's birthday. :D
2. Tara's operation day (Just received news from Jagdish saying op went well! :D )
3. Vincent received good news from Air Asia! :D
4. It's Will-leaving-day. Lols. An end for a new beginning :)
5. It's a free soup day exclusively for me and bobo!

*breathes* ahh :) Just hang in there for 2 more days Jinni... You're almost there!
Don't give up! Keep going! Slow, steady and SANITY wins the race!

:)

I haven't feel so good in a while.

I must say, I am really glad I watched 'Life of Pi' and talked to Vincent till 3am last night.

In one way or another, I reflected all these upon myself like a mirror, only seeing clearer through it.

I've been boggled by a lot of things lately, been trying so hard to fight all these feelings (tension, sadness, pressure and all that), trying so hard to be calm and seek for serenity.
But again and again, they hit me little by little.

After half-a-day of thoughts since last night, I found clarity and haven't felt so enlightened for weeks. :D

It's interesting yet strange but amazing how all these events come sequentially, one after another,
and for some reason, they somehow chain up to make a lot of sense.

Ahh, L-I-F-E. Breathtaking indeed. (figuratively & literally ;)


***************
and now bobo chan is alarming me abt sth I've been telling her lately :O

Of political reform and ties

I can feel Obama's effort and am happy about it. I can see where he's going. :) Meanwhile, waking up to read news from Msia let me down. :(

My very first ... ... in Uni life!

*

Borrowing a book from the library's open shelf!

*

[A+] in Uni life!

*

'Home'-cooked meals for one whole day in Uni life!

In just one day. :)

Tonight I received my very first "Don't push yourself too hard"
and I cried.

Because NOBODY has ever said that to me. Haha :')

Strange.

It's so strange. It's just. So so strange.

It's like one morning, you just wake up and you know exactly what-to-do suddenly.
un-closefriend
And one fine night, you just.. figure out how-to-do it somehow.
talk to your mom

How did everything come by so conveniently for me? I must be one lucky person. :)

Words of Wisdom to Practice

What's done is done, so move on.
If you can't change the past, change the present,
so the the future changes accordingly.

Otherwise you'll be stuck forever and you shall have no past, present nor future.

So, let go and move on.

1. Take a step back:
Let the inner you BE IN CONTROL of yourself. Don't be driven by externalities.

2. Take a step forward:
Embrace with grace.

3. And this, too, shall pass.

4. Why stress out? Enjoy the beautiful mess :)
May you find tranquility in it.

Life is as amazing as always.
It's out there waiting to be explored
but inside you at the same time,
for you decide how you want to enjoy the ride. ;D

Spare me.

I trust that you will face it and not runaway from it
and that you will make the very least effort
to make things clear.

But spend thriftily on time and comfort.
They are luxuries I can't afford.

Victimizing VS Victimized

Who's the real victim?
Surely, everyone would have undoubtedly said, "The Victimized of course!"


I say, every human is subconsciously prone to victimizing others in order to make themselves feel more superior BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE they were in one way or another, victimized (as well).

So wait, tell me again, who is the victim? :/


Haha yeah, if asked to cite sth significant I learned lately, this has to be one of it.
Victimized and victimizing, it's a vicious cycle.

Now why would I say that? Apart from the Asian Horror Films I've been studying about, I've another very good reasoning behind this.


A friend of mine, K, had always seemed to be a more know-it-all than me.
I accepted that 'fact' and it's been 2-3 years now.
But guess what?Few days ago, K's friend (whom I'm not very close to) was so comfortably telling me K's weaknesses
and how K is not liked among that community.
THAT was like a revelation of why I am 'victimized' in that sense.
Mr. Know-it-all whom I've always accept it as he is... Who would have thought right?


Well, I'm not going to elaborate more on how this goes round and round..
What I really wana say is, maybe it is not impossible to break out of this cycle?
In my opinion, when one seek for strength, it is important that he/she does not do it through victimizing
and constantly be reminded of it.
As human as we are, flawed as we are, sometimes we still do it unintentionally.
But if you were 'victimized' and you know how it felt like to be one, then DON'T pass it on.
No, don't even retaliate.

Fight, for the right reasons, the right way.
That, my friend, earns true respect.

While on the victimizing side, I'd say, believe the good in everyone, just as you should, in yourself.

Everyday, I talk to myself as though you could hear me.

对于某一方面的事，我好像真的越来越容易满足...

As long as I know he's still alive, I'm satisfied.

As long as I see his happy photos, I'd smile.

As long as I know he's doing good cause, I'm happy.

就这样。我就这样每一天过日子。

直到有一天，我知道，这会停止。

"Typical Product of Today's Society" - Does this concern you?

I lament for
we fear the wrong reasons and
we fight, not for the right reasons.


I lament for
what the society is becoming.

The city so vibrant but the humanity,

so foggy.

《 我们的脆弱 》

我們的生活環境總是沒有幫助我們接觸自己的脆弱。

我們的環境總是拒絕接觸我們的脆弱。

當我們脆弱時，我們會被攻擊：你怎麼會這麼弱？

當我們脆弱時，我們會被藐視：你怎麼不夠強？

當我們脆弱時，我們會被羞辱：你真丟臉。

於是，我們和我們的脆弱呈現一種疏離又敵對的關係。我們又十分具有攻擊性的方式對待我們的脆弱。以致我們的脆弱呈現出負向不健康的關係：讓我們變得受害者，無助無力的呻吟著自己的脆弱，同時痛惡自己的脆弱。

若我們願意給脆弱溫柔。讓我們可以在溫柔中慢慢的接觸、慢慢的靠近我們內心脆弱的核心，你會發現，那是用肉作的，不是用石頭作的。所以脆弱的核心，會痛、會受傷、會敏感、會有情緒起伏。

如果，我們可以溫柔的靠近自己的脆弱，不以為恥、不以為對立，不再攻擊....那麼，我們便可以發展與脆弱的正向關係：可以接納、可以撫摸、可以貼近、可以同在、可以理解、可以親近。

我們會知道，脆弱是我的一部份，我包容這部分，並且接納這部分。因此，我可以更完整，更是我自己。

-苏绚慧


A good piece which I intend to translate it into English when I have the time to. :)

Think again.

After reading this How China builds so many trains, so quickly and

The disaster that exposed the underside of the boom,

I feel so.. flabbergasted, grief-stricken and muddled...

I can't help to think again, What do I want for the people? What the people wants?

What is the construction we really want?

The trains, the technology, the convenience OR

the morality and everything otherwise?

Are they non-compromising? Can't we have best of both world? :/

Yet again, after my visit to this old railway station in Mentakab, I couldn't help but to be in affinity with this preserved heritage. It's like a beauty of its own. So comfortable.. and it contradicts my thought of improving public transportation system in Malaysia.

Uhm...

Don't be a fool, You're just a tool

Stand for yourself and don't be afraid to lose him.
Because if he leaves, then in the first place he'snot meant to be cos you're not sth he finds worth fighting for.

And it is reciprocally true for you. He's not worth your time fighting for.

宁愿等对的人 也不该和错的人走下去。

Genie VonVon = Genie of Hope
in (English)(German)(Icelandic)

Sane words.

It's time to play ma game, ma way!

Right back at ya. Hahs.

I took my stand. Undeniably I still like him, but it's a wake up call. It's time to stop giving in.
I like his qualities, our memories.. But they're not the same thing! Not to be juxtaposed, right?
Well, time will tell.. if he's worth it. :)

At least, I know he's concern. The answers don't matter anymore.
I wouldn't say I'm in control of the situation or in control of him but I'm definitely in control of myself!
Gained my control and I can't be any prouder of myself.

Quote my facebook status today:

Everyday, I tell myself to be thankful and appreciative about everything and everyone around me.
Today, I realized, how can I forget!
..to thank myself and acknowledge my effort each day?

You've done well Jinni. :)

Never more sane when it comes to this despite mentally and physically tired.
You've done well Jinni. Done well. *Smile with closed eyes*

因为你值得。

Jinnigannnnnnn, don't get so eaten up by failures!

Don't feel so defeated and lose confidence..

Because if you do, you're gona start acting as though the whole world is tumbling down on you..!

Failures should be your motivation, should make you realize what you want even more!
And you know it. You've all the strength to fight, to charge forward.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.

自甘堕落，值得吗？

当你发现这个世界有多大，充满了更多的机会和梦想，你在困扰的事情 有比它们更值得你去想吗？

不值得啊！不值得啊！

失败并不代表你不值得！每一次的失败，是要你为了更好的 而奋斗。

因为你值得。

Gallimaufry

Jinni Gan, don't be fucking stupid *slap*slap*

You're fucking too busy and have too much work to catch up to even think about all these.

He's not the only 'busiest' person on Earth. YOU ARE TOO!

Why waste time getting affected and worst of all, let it influence your performance?

For god's sake, you're in your final year! NONONONONONONO.


WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP.

Careers, goals, dreams, remember?


WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!


Ahhhhh, so much work :(

Pursuing Meaningful Life.

Ok, so this is another rare post. In fact almost never written about stuff like this before.
P.S. Cut the crap and start reading from the 2nd section highlighted with "Main Point".

So last night I was on my Flipboard till I fall asleep again.
I happened to read about Malala Yousafzai from BBC News.

Then just this morning, after studying, when I had the usual fingers' temptation to type "facebook.com"...
I figured, gosh, I waste so much time of Facebook just scrolling up and down the news feed, looking at photos, my own profile repeatedly, EVERYDAY. Why?

"I must change this habit. I need to seek a meaningful website. And I look forward to the day I start typing other alphabets instead of typing "f" + "Enter" -> Haha, you know what I mean, don't you?!"

Exactly that! *points above*

Not that going to Facebook is a sin BUT I'm a self-confessed Facebook addict.
Just thought that it is rather pointless repeating the same thing again and again w/o benefiting from it.
That's as good as extravagantly spending another moment with no meaning.

Seriously, I don't know what struck me lately. Why am I being so different?
SO...organized, focused, neat...
Everything I used to be so lazy to do?

*******************************************************************

Okays, all that aside. Main Point -> I went to CNN.com and I saw this:

Official: Pakistani teen blogger's shooting a 'wake-up call' to 'clear ... danger'

So I read up about the Taliban which led me to Mullah Omar, which then link up to Osama bin Laden via Abdullah Azzam.

“	I am considering two promises. One is the promise of Allah, the other of Bush. The promise of Allah is that my land is vast...the promise of Bush is that there is no place on Earth where I can hide that he won't find me. We shall see which promise is fulfilled.	”
—Mullah Omar, 2001

Last but not least, the National Hero of Afghanistan - Massoud.

********************************************************************

Couldn't help but wonder. What's the root of all these??

Did it all started from Sheikh Azzam? 

Why or how then did Azzam embrace such ideologies?

The existence of "Offensive jihad" and "Defensive jihad" (which I am still not very acquainted with yet)?

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I mourn for the dark side but am glad there's the bright side like Malala and Massoud.

Can't help but to be curious about the seemingly incomprehensible world.

Breakthrough :)

This is a whole new level. 


After years of struggle, you'd come to realize that 
the greatest satisfaction comes 
not from how much you achieve in a given time,
instead, it is how you can achieve so much and yet be a happy person
throughout and at the end of the process
without exhausting yourself.


The ability to embrace and execute with grace.


That's how it should have been!
Who says you have to complete a task miserably anyway? YOU DID!
Yes, you YOURSELF.
Nobody put a gun at your head and say, 
"You must get all stressed up while you're rushing for deadline."
"You shall be miserable doing this or that."


It's you It's you It's you!



What's the point of working so hard, so much and at the end of the day, 
you find yourself exhausted and all miserable? And you lose so much more in the end!
You lose your temper (maybe on your friend and hence lose a friend?)..
You lose so much time being miserable (when you could have been enjoying)..
You lose so many unseen things that are highly valuable.. Things you overlooked.



Now, it may seem difficult to not feel so negative when things get so overwhelming..
But really, it isn't impossible! Proven and tested (by me :p ).


Don't be driven by externalities. Let the internal you drive yourself and external factors would no longer matter because YOU'RE IN CONTROL of yourself. Hence the environment won't seem to affect anymore.



Even the gloomiest day seem to bloom! Haha :D
It's the action-and-reaction chain. When you feel good, the day gets better.

Remember,

Success ≠  Happiness

Success + Happiness = What we really want

" It's always about how willing are you to face it or to let go some of the stuff.. Not so much about "things you can't do" or "you don't have the time for it". 物是死的；人是活的。能变则变。"

It's just how you manage within yourself (whether it's positivity, receptivity, persistency, consistency...)

At the end of the day, ask yourself, what do you value most? Is this worth it?
You'll know what to do then! I'm sure.

Last but not least, reward yourself! Make yourself happy! Give yourself a break. :)
休息是为了走更长远的路。

With all that, we should be able to go the extra mile, happily. ;)

All you and I wanted in life is someone that makes you tea and toast in the morning.

Tom was born in 1942
With eyes of blue
And the doctors said that his birth was far too fast
His heart stopped twice
But yet he survived
As he took his first breathe
His mother took her last

And his father knew that he wasn't to blame
But he never quite looked at Tom the same after that
And he rarely spoke about her
But when he did
He said your mother used to say this


When the skies are looking bad my dear
And your heart has lost all it's hope
After dawn there will be sunshine
And all the dust will go
Skies will clear my darling
I'll wake up with the one I love the most
And in the morning, I'll make you up
With some tea and toast


When we met through a friend
Who introduced them
The first thing Tom said was would you like to dance?
They moved with each other and when the music got slower
He said don't let go of my hand
He said It's only polite if I ask you tonight
Would it be alright, if I could walk you home?
That night he told of of his birth
And said when it hurt
He thought about what his mother said about tea and toast

Two quick years went by
They were side by side
And without a plan, they conceived a little child
He said women I love you and this you know
But I only have enough for our food and clothes
But I love you and this baby
Until the day that I die
She said we'll take care of this little life
And we'll fall in love with her baby blue eyes
And we'll be alright from some advice that I know

She said I never got to meet her
But if I did, I'm sure your mother would have said this


When the skies are looking bad my dear
And your heart has lost all it's hope
After dawn there will be sunshine
And all the dust will go
Skies will clear my darling
We'll show this baby all the love we know
And in the morning, I'll make you up
With some tea and toast


Well he took those words
And he made them proud
He worked day after day
And hour after hour
So that they could buy a little house on the outside of town
The little girl grew up and so did they
They said that they loved each other everyday
And forty years later, that brings us to now

And as they're walking down the street
Her grip loosens on his hand
He puts his arm around her side as she falls to the ground
He hears her breathing and that's the only sound
Her body on the floor attracts a worried crowd
Tears rolls off his face as he says "don't let go, now"

And he's sitting by her bed in the hospital (ward?)
Their daughter walks in with a family of her own
She says "dad, I don't know if she can hear you now
but there's one thing mum would want you to know"


When the skies are looking bad my dear
And your heart has lost all it's hope
After dawn there will be sunshine
And all the dust will go
Skies will clear my darling
Now it's time for you to let go
And in the morning, I'll make you up
With some tea and toast

I just did a brief timeline of my life up till 37 years old.


TOO FREAKING SCARY. Omg.....


Assuming I do MBA (2 years) then PhD (5 years), that's already 7 years of my life man!

Plus 4 to 5 years of working experience after I graduate...

Ummm yes, that's when I'm about 37 years old. Shit. No kidding!?

What about getting marry and all the unforeseen circumstances? That's all not factored in!
*faints*
Half of my life is gone just like that *snap* (And that's assuming I live till 80 years old!)

Hahahahahahahaha. Aiyoyo Aiyoyo Aiyoyo!


Life's but a brief candle. Too short but enough to make it meaningful... So no time to waste!

这个世界实在太有趣了！So much to learn!!! :D

如果我烦恼，我应该为比较有意义的东西懊恼！嗯。

我觉得在成长过程中，心的每个裂痕是用铁来补的。

哪怕有一天，心完全被铁包含了，想心软也有些困难哪！

如果真的有那么一天，能怪谁呢？

从来不想为爱情烦恼的我

Listening to 王韵一's 爱情 on repeat while on the way back to Singapore.

It seems like everytime going back, there's a new song-of-the-journey.

Or at least, the last time it was Christina Perri's Arm,
in mind was Kev.

Now in mind is Will.

有时候不明白，
有时候很混乱，
有时非常愚蠢，
有时问己值得吗？

偶尔折磨，偶尔微甜。
哈哈，想怎样？告诉我嘛！

是不是习惯了别人爱我比较多，所以觉得爱人比较多 很辛苦？

值得吗？好像有很多更美好的梦该去追求，
可是准备好了吗？

那种回到家，一片寂静，那种寂寞，那种独立...
我..可以吗？

Ever listen to a song you used to listen a lot to when you were younger and felt... a sense of maturity?

An elevation of mind? Hmmmm. :)

I have a good feeling about this. :D

岁月不留人

不知不觉，这四年内竟然做了那么多东西。还是无法相信，时间真的就这样溜走了吗？

I found out a folder filled with songs from high school up till 1st year of university. I can't help but to kind of laugh at the some of the songs I listened to, but at the same time, some songs just contained so much memories in it.

I'm still in disbelief. Really? So many years have passed? How did I not realise that?

岁月不留人哪！

Kinda thought of Kevin, Natasha, Tara.. Moon Jiun.. Sheow Ling.. Isabelle.. The list goes on and on..
High school memories are like missing pieces of puzzles that I've chucked aside long time ago.

While studying for CA tomorrow.. hmmm I feel like calling him just to see how's he doing lately.
It's funny when you think back and you know you've finally let go.

Don't know if it's a sad or happy thing but haha, just phases. Gone through it.
Been so busy and occupied pursuing dreams and goals, I hope we will not just let time slip off blindly.

It's scary. To look back and wonder to yourself, "What Happened??"

Herpangina or HFMD or sth else.

BTW, I just recently recovered from a viral infection.

3 weeks ago,
it started off with Cheilitis and (either) Lymphadenitis (or) Thyroglossal Cyst.

2 weeks ago,
I've got fever and
then plenty of ulcers in my mouth, on my tongue.

1 week ago,
I've got rashes.

This week,
I'm fully recovered, or at least 99% I would say.
But I've got these odd red spots underneath my chin?
They don't itch or anything. But it appeared when I was recovering from the rashes.

Now,
I've gum bleeding...


Something is wrong with me. My body at least. I've been the lucky 10% lately.
I'm only 22 years old. I wana live longer. I need to get healthy.

Lol.

So I've been doing some research online and I realized this little boy had similar symptoms:
http://brandonyuen.blogspot.sg/2010/05/viral-rash-update.html
http://brandonyuen.blogspot.sg/2010/05/brandons-chin-rash-update.html

But mine doesn't really. Odd... Odd..

加油 GJN!!!!

Interesting fact:
This might be one of the only few times where I blog with positive feelings.
Enthusiasm. Fighting. Uush.


GOT TO GO BABEH! :D

我很好

这样子更好。

And you shall be strong.

Been sick for a week now. :'(

Well, at least there's no more fever.

Sighs.

Be strong Jinni, in every way you can.

Long gone.

Was looking back at my tumblr. That short agony which felt like it lasted forever at that point of time...seemed so long ago but in fact it's just a few months ago..

Well, 5 months ago.

Whatever happens between me and Will, whether it's gona work out or not, I should thank him for getting me out of that once-upon-a-time's bottomless pit.

While I'm getting comfortable with it, I hope I'm not one of those.

Sincerely,
JN

5 years ago,

the song led me wandering in my world of imagination of how my future would be.

3 years ago, 

I painted a different picture with agonized emotions while listening to that song, engrossed in the present.

Today, 

I am at the 'future' I used to think about, listening to the same song with such different feeling 

and left wondering about my past 5 years.

The same song. The different me.

Hmmm, maturity or extrication?

Time to say goodbye again

It's my very own version of 100 days of summer.

And well hello-hello there autumn!

Sighs, sadly, my autumn means work and study and all that.

Back to that dull days.

I dont know whether to be thankful for the summer's gale or..
to feel reserved forever-after for I hate how I'm given hopes
and then for-all-you-know, it's just a passing wind.

How does it feel like to have an ex that's concern if your new bf (or not even bf..) is treating you well...?
And you know deep inside you're not happy But you said

"Haha I'll always be happy XXX
It's not about how others treat me
but how I treat myself."


How's that.

• 
  

I don't know since when did I get so comfortable with being alone.. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing.

and I didn't realize that until kc ask me to not to get too used to it.

don't lose your cool

these are one of the times i wana to smack myself on the head..!
hai yor ganjinniiiii, you were all over the place. get hold of yourself! tsk tsk tsk

#sane words#

Foolish.

i feel stupid.

i'm cleaning up my room and as usual digged out lots of stuff.

i found my first bday present from que.. awww.
and i also found a letter i wrote to maha which i didn't give it to her. it's about my 21st bday .. more like disappointments.. about how i treasure our friendship so much but it's not the same for her..

then i realise maybe i'm not only feeling insecure with will? maybe it's just me? needing so much of assurance?

how chyi is right about everybody wish to be treated the way they treat others but not receiving the equal doesn't mean it's not ideal?

well maybe some ppl are just not worth the tears..

My brain has not been functioning well lately.

Haha, I'm serious! I don't know why.. Maybe I've been rotting, having fun, drained (physically), yada yada..

Was in the slacking mode.. It's like you just feel so heavy you don't even wana move an inch as if it's goina take tonnes of your energy (which it really felt like that)..

BUT NO MORE JINNI! NO more slacking! Arghhh.

Yesterday when I was otw back from NTU to Tanah Merah, idk how we started talking about acad stuff. I usually am very reluctant to even think about it. Maybe the conversation flow so smoothly I didn't even realize we were talking about it!

And suddenly it struck me that I am entering Year 4 - Final year of University!
Also, talking to Mr. Wong in the afternoon..
GDI, suddenly I feel like there's so much to do and I HAVE TO start!

Wow.. amazing isn't it. How time flies. I will never forget how I was rushed into NTU and how I find year 3 seniors old when I was conversing with them during my first year; Look who's in year 4 now!

P.S. I am so happy with my single room! Thanks to Chee Peng! :D

(Hmmm, whatever happened to what you've strongly believed in? Not taking any action Jinni?)

Should I reconsider my choice.

I feel like running away from this.. whole rship thingy..

I think I get so paranoid. I get weak.. I don't like it..

As much as I am tough on the outside, how guys think I'm insensitive and all that.. I've got a fragile heart.

That's why I enveloped my heart with many layers of protective mechanism.. Once you removed those layers, I am nothing but a fragile heart.

And it's this kinda of time that I feel so helpless. I need so much of sense of security..

****Updates****

I feel better with a clearer mind now after talking to suga poppa..
but i dont know what to say to Will now.. Hmmm..
Maybe just leave it as it is first..?

WJB

I need you to know that I appreciate all these gestures.

With guilt, I realised how I've been telling you I want this, I want that, I live by my rules..

I thought that was just ME trying my best to be myself and not let you change me.

But what I didn't realise was that I am subconsciously comparing you to this set of standards I previously had and I REALLY shouldn't do that..

I'm opening up the doors.

", ily

You can do it jinnigannn.

I just know.

P.S. you just need to be more focus and less distracted. Sort it out. You'll get there ;)

Peace and Quiet.

It feels so good, sitting alone at the dining area by the sliding door,

just enjoying the breeze and eating some microwaved-leftover-food from dinner last night

while listening to the radio.

SO heavenly, at least for now and this few hours.
It's been such a long time since I was home alone, here in Tanah Merah at least.

I knocked out right away after sending Vincent off to the airport just now.. for about 2 hours?
Am sick.. Cough and all that..

But waking up finding peace and quiet at home, all by myself.. feels strangely incredible..
Kinda reminds me how I didn't like this feeling when I was in my 1st and 2nd year of my Uni years,

but learning to appreciate a bit of this?

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I want to live alone or complaining that I'm tired (which I am..),

it's just that I needed space and time alone.. after so long.

So good to have time for myself.. :) So much to do. Better get going.


I'm finally breathing.. :)

Scrambled thoughts for Early breakfast

i am one strange person, seriously.

4.11am and not sleeping while everyone else are sleeping so soundly.

haha, look at their cute faces :x

hmmm, i'm just thinking about stuff, from the long hot shower to packing to toilet break..
peaceful and quiet night.
but emotions stirring in the heart and
thoughts in my mind.

it's just everything that happened today,
or maybe,
accumulatively till today..

it's like wow.. it felt like flashing through years in one night.

college days, college friends and now,
where we are and how we are..

things happened, ppl change, things changed.

and at the same time,
i won't deny that i was thinking of rship stuff too..

it sort of come in one.. cos you know..
college days = first rship etc.


and then now it's like another stage altogether..

may 9th was when everything started.
it really came when i least expected it.

it's about 6 weeks from then now.
in a way i'm glad i'm on this europe trip.
so i won't rush through things.

so yes, am currently in prague right now and leaving to vienna in 3.5 hours. meaning i probably won't be sleeping tonight cos we gotta leave apartment in like 1.5 or 2 hours?


mmmm.

this europe trip is not just a fun, young, adventurous trip..

it's recollecting memories, bonding, trying to reconcile, getting to know new ppl, see more stuff in the world and also, reflect.

so much thoughts, ya know.

but yeah, 11 days remaining.. will definitely enjoy every moment here.

and the sun is up! it's about 4.40am now.

maybe i should catch at least an hour sleep..
till then! :)

Shame On You!

Okay, I would have posted about lots of happy stuff that happen today (: more than an hour ago BUT
OMG I HATE IT WHEN GUYS COME AND ASK YOU BLATANTLY WHETHER YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

(okay.. be prepared to get some blasting)

FIRST OF ALL, WHEN A GUY BLATANTLY POP THAT QUESTION OR TRY ALL WAYS TO INSERT THAT QUESTION (w/o continuity) IN CONVERSATIONS ALL THE TIME,

YOU KNOW HOW SINCERE IS THIS FELLA (OHH YESSS)

SO WHAT IF SHE SAYS NO, SHE DOESNT HAVE A BF?
SO WHAT IF SHE SAYS YES, SHE HAS A BF?

F! YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HER! DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT THE MORE GENTLEMEN WAY BY ASKING HER OUT FOR MEALS OR WHATEVER TO AT LEAST GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER?

IF YOU BARELY KNOW HER AND YOU ASKED THAT QUESTION,
THAT JUST SHOWS HOW CHEAPO AND DESPERATE YOU ARE!
SERIOUSLYYYYY? GAH.

THAT OBVIOUSLY SHOWS THAT YOU'RE GOING ONLY FOR THE EXTERNAL.
VERY SINCERE, GEE THANKS.

DON'T GIVE ME ALL THAT "OH.. IF SHE HAS A BF, THEN I SHOULD BACK OFF RIGHT AWAY.." "OH.. I NEEDED TO KNOW MY ODDS OF GETTING HER..."

PLAIN BS.

YOU GET TO KNOW A GIRL, IF YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH HER.. YOU WORK FOR IT.
IF YOU BOTH ARE MEANT TO BE, YOU GET HER.
OTHERWISE, BE A MAN AND DEAL WITH IT.

I mean, of course it's not allll guys duty and girls have no responsibilities. The girls shouldn't be bitches and freaking play or fool around with the guys, most importantly be true to themselves la.

SO YES, YOU GET THE POINT!

**********************************************************************

Ahhh yes, that's a shoutout to all the desperate guys. Sigh in relief.

Am ending this post with sth more light-hearted :)
It was a very fulfilling day despite the fatigue :D
I've got things I needed, I explored art gallery for the very first time in my life after lunch with Will, I had dinner with family.

The satisfaction and the smile on my face that keeps me going. :) Couldnt ask for more!

Honestly, I think if you were put to go through what I went through, you'd have totally crush.
So stop saying things about it.

THANKS YA.

Relationship? Huh, what's that?

Honestly, I am way pass that stage of "I-feel-so-painful-without-you".

Passed the stage of "Back-to-strangers", all those squinching heartaches.

But still trying to get rid of the awkward stage of "We-are-not-lovers-BUT-YET-we-are-more-than-just-friends-and-it-will-be-so-forever" completely.

I do not wonder why or what happened anymore, so there's no regrets in this so to speak.
In fact, I learn to appreciate that as part of the most beautiful memories I had in my life.
I had one of the most loving man as my bf at that point of time. So very blissful.

Memories that makes me smile and I do miss those moments.

But zooming back from past to current, I guess there's a tinge of we-all-move-on even though there's a lot of coming-back-to-each-other because of the beautiful memories we shared.
And so we are special to each other in that sense.

We had too much of wrong timing which is rather repenting but I guess that's what it's meant to be, for us to let go!

This whole 8-year-journey is 10% of the time of my freaking life! (assuming I live till 80 years old)

And truthfully, this 2nd octant of my life remains impactful thus far (for us both, I'm sure).

For one to move from the ideology of "I believe in the right one" to "I believe in not-the-right-one" (i.e. fine with anyone as long as they dont seem unfit) or maybe even worse, "I believe in neither",

doesn't that make you wonder?

These days, I try to zoom back from past to current instead of looking back from current to past.
No doubt my heart still sway from left to right a lil when I see/hear/think of you but it now sways in millimeters instead of kilometers like how it used to be.

Hmmm.. 3rd module for specialization.. What should I take!

MP4E01 Industrial Design
[Pre-requisites: Nil; Academic Units: 3]
Content: Art and Industry. Basic Industrial Design. Design elements and principles. Colour. Industrial, product and packaging graphics. Design Communications. Human Values in Design. Packaging Design

MP4E02 Human Factors in Design
[Pre-requisite: Nil; Academic Unit: 3]
Content: Introduction to human factors. Physical ergonomics. Cognitive ergonomics. Human-computer interaction. Human factors of product design. Socio-technical aspects of human factors in design.

MP4E03 Strategic Management of Product Development
[Pre-requisite: Nil; Academic Unit: 3]
Content: The course covers topics on critical product development considerations and competition strategies, the role of prototyping in product design and manufacturing, the organization and management of cross functional product development teams, the capture and modeling of customer needs, risk assessment and management, the role of R&D, and the strategies for achieving fast cycle competition and time to market. The teaching approach of a graduate management course will be used, with equal emphasis on lectures and case analysis and presentation by students.

MP4E04 Mechanism Design
[Pre-requisite: MP2002; Academic Unit: 3]
Content: Introduction to mechanism synthesis. graphical and analytical methods. Advanced planar mechanism synthesis. Spatial mechanism fundamentals. Screw theory. Kinematic analysis of spatial mechanisms.

MP4E05 Materials Selection and Design
[Pre-requisite: Nil; Academic Unit: 3]
Content: Review of basic engineering materials properties. Materials selection in  design. Process selection in design.

MP4E06 Visualisation and Virtual Reality in Product Design
[Pre-requisite: Nil; Academic Unit: 3]
Content: Computer Graphics. Volume Visualization. VR Fundamentals. VR Interaction. VR Modeling, Algorithm and Software. VR Hardware Devices. VR Integration and VR Systems.

MP4F02 Manufacturing Systems and Automation
[Pre-requisite: Nil; Academic Unit: 3]
Content: Manufacturing systems. Rapid prototyping & applications. Computer-aided  manufacturing. Industrial robots. Automatic assembly.

Cutting all ties

Cut ties #1 - 25th March 2012
Cut ties #2 - Don't know when did it start or did it even start?
All I know is that I don't think about it all the time but if I do happen to think of it,
I try my best not to look back.

But I suddenly thought about it and so I'm here writing a post...to REMIND MYSELF NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT AND NOT TO GET DISTRACTED!

(I'm not even looking back.. But it's just this sudden feeling haunting me now.. OK SHOO SHOO!)

Another (Sort of) Eureka moment

you know how my inspirations always come?  it's either i'm taking a dung in the toilet (sorry, might sound a lil disgusting, ahahaha) or studying.

yea, cos my mind will always wander off unnoticingly, staring blankly at the notes.

anyways, these are not the main point. main point is that i figured out what i'm gonna do for thathat 6 months window period i gave myself right after graduation. 

just needed to write this down, in case i lose track in the near future. hahs

tr.int.us.

Sometimes I really just wana say "F*ck it. Heck care." and just delete you off my memory.

but I can't.

Being in KL feels too good to be real.

But with the workload..

That person..

And thinking about heading back to sg in one more day..

is just :(

I really didnt ask for this.

Can I trade this for some luck instead?

That feeling.. sucks.
That someone you do care for..
Saying sth mean.. One line is enough to kill.

Wisdom quote from a friend, haha. :)

"Many people worked their ass off their whole life, but they still don't get much, WHY? Because they spend their time doing something not as productive when they could have do something they earn much more with the same amount of time! You see, it's not about how hard you work, you need to make some judgements. Everybody's time is worth an intrinsic value and if you do use that amount of time to earn yourself values lesser than your intrinsic value then you're degrading yourself!" - adapted from Mr. Enrique Lee

Now I see you, now I don't

It always goes back to the same question, am I holding on to sth that probably doesn't exist anymore?
Are We?

Yet, it doesn't seem like it. But still can't help to doubt. If only this is easier.

I don't want it to be that way either..

But.. I don't really have a choice? or i dont know how to choose?

It's just being in the comfort zone.. Eventually i'll hafta face it.

I guess I do have the answer. But I do not have yours.
Even if we do have answers, so what..?
Things probably arent the same anymore or
maybe we just wanted to take the easy way out.

I'm not complaining.. I thought as long as I'm happy, then it's fine. But perhaps it's not quite right?

5 more days to 4 years

4 freaking years! omg... how this person still revolves around my life after 4 years.

I should have bought tickets back. All other 3 in KL, except for me...

HOW? It was a promise and I wish i can make it.

See! Isn't it easy? All you needed to do is to start talking to me!

I must pen this source of motivation down.

"I have no doubt about your capabilities and scientific knowledge, your curiosity to learn etc. But I'm just curious if you have ever came across special cases where you learned from students?"

"Of course, I learnt from good and bad examples. I learn from students who fail as well. You know, good or bad there's always sth to learn. You see someone walking on the street "Eeee why he walk like that" so you don't walk like him. You see someone eating in the food court, "Eww I won't eat like that" , ... (and he goes on and on, bla bla bla bla bla)"

"Yes sir I do agree with you but like you mentioned earlier, but these are just judging based on the surfaces AND judging on the surface is not enough. I mean, there could be reasons behind what is happening right?"


yeah, I said that to my prof. I'm not too sure if it's a good thing. Good thing is I'm submitting my report to another prof. Otherwise this prof will probably fail me (if he's the one marking my report).
Oh wait, I'm sorry, im not suppose to judge (you), SO he might or might not fail me if he were to mark my report.

I won't deny that many things he said made sense, I don't. From the bottom of my heart, I agree. Very similar principles I have. He could have realized that. But I wasn't given a chance. Was I given a chance? Well, HE'LL HAFTA TELL ME, whether at the end of the day, did what I say change his mind?

Don't judge me and I won't judge you.

***Note to myself: You shall not be arrogant when you're successful and high up there in future, GJN!

P.S. there's sth to learn from everything and everybody. YUP, i learned quite a bit of stuff from you.

It's annoying how one talks or judges so much when he or she did not even bother to find out more in the first place.
YEAH, LIKE YOU SAID, IT'S EASY TO SAY,
BUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, DO YOU KNOW?

Nope you don't, cos u didnt even bother asking. You just did all the talking.

Haha, isn't it strange?
How those who come to you, the more you're afraid of them or wana avoid them;
Those who heck care as if they can live with or without you (or maybe they just dont have the time for you),
you're still making an effort to talk to them?

I feed my calendar weekly, Only to find it ended up so bloated

Time to buck up and get organized.
Losing the mobile phone really didnt help at all.
Gah.

Whyyyyyyy. Murphy's law or sth??

Stay focus!!! (How?.. ):

I hope (I should say i believe i believe i believe) my hp was not taken away..

Need to tidy up the mess I left for myself before the competition.
Need to organize myself and wake up. I still feel very.. Hmmm, not awake?

It's this really strange feeling.. Like u know how u're exhausted from intensive camp, not enough sleep, yada yada..

Yeah, it's as if i went through 2 weeks of intensive camp. Everything feels so surreal now. Like im not back here in reality yet.

Whatever it is, i hope my hp will come back to me.. CONTACTS, PHOTOS all these are so important to meeee

原来，我只是累了。

A shoulder and a comforting voice. That's all I need to get back up :)
Jia you ganjinni!

Well.. How true.

And it's either you give up on love or you keep searching (more like expecting) for the same kind of love,
when you will never find the same because essentially,
NOBODY is the SAME.

撑住。 :')

Sometimes I can't help but to miss that year 2008 (and before) you.

Really tired.

I don't know why either. I feel beat.

All i want to do right now is.. sleep and before i sleep i wish i can hear a person's voice over the phone.

All my close friends are like my boyfriend(s), I have so many of them, so I don't need another one. ;)

Hwahwahwa, yesterday was a last minute thing to head to Tanah Merah at 11+pm. Risky cos the train might terminate its service anytime soon. haha.

Supper, Movie, Cook lunch, Slack, Study (A VERY LIL BIT), Dinner.. and back in NTU.
Happy enough! Haha. Motivated to do work now! Jiayou jiayou!

*********************************************************************************

"Obviously he's fine and Obviously he doesn't need my concern. Obviously and Obviously he knows how to take care of himself."

That's what keep me going.

As for the rest, if it's not meant to be then it won't be. :)

Keep it cool, one by one, you'll be able to handle them :)

After yesterday, I told myself, I will not shed a single tear for you anymore.

The day I don't say a word to you anymore is the day I truly give up.
So dont, please.

I don't know what to do with you anymore!

*cries out loud*

I have a feeling that in the end, I'm the one that is running away from everything.

Good things come together?

Well, at least that's what chyichyi says.

Perhaps, in this case... When they come together, it doesn't become a good thing?

I don't know man... Spoilt with choices aint really a good thing at times?

:s Plus when it comes to this matter, it's not about choices...right?

Oh gosh... Jinni... What have you stepped into or stepping into?

Meanwhile, a lil stressed out about HIC.. Cant seem to get any good ideas. Arhhhhh

Confused. Might as well numb myself.

I dont know which one should I talk to. And always trying to talk myself out of it.
But figured it's better to just numb myself and not think about it.
In the end, I just talk to neither of them.

Although I know numbing myself is probably just a temporary solution.
可是，我就只有这样才可以让我一天过一天。

The Legend (in 40 minutes)

So I was on the way back to KL for CNY last Friday (20th Jan)
and I happened to watch this documentary on the bus.
I find it inspirational.

I hope it's the same for you. ;)

Well, initially I thought of just posting the part 3 and part 4. But I figured you'll get the drift better watching right from beginning.

There are so many things I can quote from this short documentary.

"With all we think we know about Michael Jackson, it's easy to forget what the fuss was about in the first place." 

- The Michael Jackson Story (Part 1)

Sold the highest record on number of albums, won 8 grammy awards in just one night (unbeatable record thus far),

AND THE LIST GOES ON!

When I was watching the whole documentary.. I realised how big a fuss he was and what he done was really legend-(wait for it)-ary. In the business terminology, he is simply the founder of pop music and he created a brand which people go gaga about.

I couldn't help but wonder to myself, WHAT HAPPENED... He was once so high-and-mighty!

But tonight, I know why..


Sometimes when you're too good for so long, people forget you're doing great things. People take it for granted. And slowly, every little bad (in terms of expectations from certain people) or perhaps not-so-bad-at-all performance just doesn't seem that good anymore.

Even if it is good, it felt like it does not matter to them anymore BECAUSE

all of these becomes necessary and expected but not appreciated.

And that's when you strive so hard to live up to their expectation and start to lose yourself.
Every time  you start thinking of how to outdo yourself, make it better each time,

you forgot that it was IN YOU... What's inside of you was the reason you SHONE in the very first place.

So yah.. I guess that was what went wrong. YES, stop trying to take every piece of me away!!!
Because I'll never be good enough for you!

"OMG, look at who he has become.. As time went on, it became more and more important for him to be more spectacular and more gimmicky. For me, the best of Michael..was before he was responding to the pressure to be Michael." 

- Suzanne de Passe

Happy (belated) birthday Dai Lou!

In the best of mood although somewhere in my mind or heart, feeling a lil sucky...

Like more work piling up. NOT GOOD.

Saving money and earning money. NOT EASY.

Nothing comes easy I guess..

God bless me on achieving dreams and goals! Give me strength to hold on! *BITES  HARD*

gosh, wondering where am i getting to with this post...


Let's just end this at.. "Don't be sad about what you didn't receive but instead, give what you wana get
to other people because you know EXACTLY how it feels like to not have it."
<3
Night!

So why did Jinni find life interesting today (I mean yesterday, since it's past 12am)

 So the visit to the innovation lab where the students build solar car, diesel car and electric car HYPED ME UP QUITE A BIT.

I AM SO EXCITED! It felt like, okay learning is going to get real! :D
Yeaaa, I'm planning to take part in the electric vehicle project. And then I'll know how's it like to build a vehicle from scratch. (One step closer to my dreams!)
And then continue to do sth of that sort for my Final Year Project (FYP)!!
Wheeeeeee. Now we're talking! ;)

Warning, the following content is RARE in jinni's blog... PHOTOS! (omg right? :p)

 So the above photo is the solar car that got NTU into 12th place out of close to 80 competitors from all over the world in the shell eco-marathon challenge!

Yup so that's number 1. Then number 2 would be... I AM OFFICIALLY BIZ MAG SUBCOMM TODAY ONWARDS :p (That means a lil more work)

Thirdly! I applied for a part time job - phonathon. If i get shortlisted for interview, then i'll be working!
Need to earn buckets of money for Europe trip! In fact, i was also considering giving tuitionnnn. Better money... It's like 1 hour tuition is slightly more pay than 3 hours of phonathon!

Then last but not least! Henkel Innovation Challengeeeee! Cant believe we got through to the next round! omg!

ok.. getting reallyyyyy sleepy. NIGHT!

So much for a start.

Well, I was very excited to start school at first.

But after all that happened just in one morning/midnight...
Basically, at about 12 or 12.30am, i went to the toilet, cos it was rather urgent, I just took my usual black leather pouch with all my keys inside and some other stuff. But i left it hanging at the cubicle's door. Cos we only needed to tap in to go to the toilet but dont need to tap out. So i forgotten about it.

Next morning, i couldnt find it anywhere.
In the evening, I went knocking from door to door.

- One girl said she knocked at my door at 1+am but nobody answered, so she hung it on the door. (which i thought i was just about to sleep.. but i didnt hear her knocking! which i feel DAMN PEK CHEK ABOUT, how could she just leave it at the door... she said she didnt think anyone will take it.)

- (Just checked with the cleaner)
Cleaner said she didnt see anything hanging at the door when she came in about 7+am yesterday.
(so my last hope is kinda crashed :( sobs sobs sobs)

Yesterday, I went to the hall office thrice! First time to report (~9.15am), 2nd time to check (~5pm), 3rd time after the girl told me she left it hanging at the door (~5.30pm)! Then they told me if I don't void the hall key then he/she will be able to access to my room at anytime at all. But if I do void it, i'll have to pay SGD$50!!!! THAT'S A LOT TO ME.
And even if I found my pouch and stuff back after that, that is not refundable!
:S :( waddya want me to do...

I AM STILL HOPING THAT IT WILL MIRACULOUSLY POP OUT IN FRONT OF MY ROOM
OR THE HALL OFFICE WILL CALL AND INFORM ME THAT SOMEBODY PASS STH LOST AND FOUND TO THEM,
THE BLACK LEATHER POUCH,
with everything still inside.

i'd still like to believe there's some nice ppl around because :'( i dont have courage to tell my parents about it yet. and i want my msia sim card, keys and ocbc token back...

i cant believe this happened. and it's still troubling me now.

"It's weird, it doesn't hurt quite as much." (But it still bugs me.)

Last 4 years, I got stronger each time. And in this 2 years, I'll get a little bit stronger each day.
Till we meet again.

Lesser people in KL

and one less reason to come back to KL.

New Year! Happy everyone!

I think with everything happening to everyone around me and happening to myself...

It feels like a movie..
I can shoot my very own version of "New Year's Eve", I tell ya!