Tired.

Haven't been blogging about my daily life for quite some time huh.. Well well well... Whenever I wished to blog, the laptop's aint with me.. =( Especially when I was in Taiwan, Hongkong/Macau...
Then when I came back, several things happened also. and now I'm in Singapore..

But I can't remember what to write ady... I guess i'll just leave the pictures of memories in my brain. Hahax ;P

Me and kevin "got back together" like about 4am of 26th Dec 08. wth.. haha. Then i talked to tasha for a while after he went off. So i slept at abt 4.30 sth. Then abt 10+am chyi called asked if i wana go out shopping with them... Gosh, i didnt even wana wake up that time. So sleepy... but im glad i went out also... =) and chyi bought me a dress from ms. selfridge. Thanks chyi! I feel guilty that u had to pay for my dress.. =(

Just now had bbq party at boi boi ah yi's place. Talked to newly-acquainted people.

First thing i did when i came home is to check whether he's online or not. Nope he wasn't. I left offline msgs.. Then I fell aslp. Woke up to my brother's nagging. Bathed. Came online.
Talked to him. Took him quite some time to reply.. Thought what is he busy with.
He was playing computer games... =.=''

Thought he'd be missing me and wana talk to me badly or sth. =/ Didnt get to tell him all the things I wanted to say and since he was so engrossed with the game, as a gf, understanding one, =p, let him play lor... Wasn't really happy but I dont wana be a control freak. I'll give him space this time. I expect more space for ourselves this time round.
Sigh.
I'm not ok. But i'll be fine.
It's just I was thinking, when we're not together then u miss me like shit, and finally when u got me back, you'd rather play games than talking to me. That's partly what I'm afraid of. Im afraid when we are together, we take things for granted. And when we are together, I just have higher expectations like when I talk to u then i'd be expecting u to reply and if u dont, u better have a good reason sort of thing. That was also why, when we were on our first break, I felt relieved. Cuz less expectations! If he doesn't reply, it's fine with me. He can get busy with whatever he's with because we're just friends and you dont expect friends to reply you all the time.

Now you see why... I'm still not getting quite use to getting back and we are literally far right now plus the convo just now.. Seriously, i was expecting much more than that the whole day. I was thinking, oh, im goina tell him this, im goina tell him that, and there were times that I'd smile thinking abt him just suddenly miss him kinda thing. Cuz im really trying to get that feelings back.

But seriously im kinda getting like relationship-phobic here. Is there a scientific word for it? Lol.
Im really afraid seriously.. He's gotta do a lot to convince me again.
Im scared... Why am I? Is it cuz of the feeling of getting tied-down again? Or am I scared of expecting more?
Urgh. Am I thinking too much?

JINNI GAN!!!! just shut up and appreciate and no complains like u said! Don't just say it! Do it!

Urgh. Appreciate? Appreciate what?! That he'd rather play games than talking to me?! Im sorry dear, I just feel like complaining.
Maybe after I rant and rave, I'll feel better. Since I've got nobody to complain to... and I'm not suppose to complain. You see, it's really a small matter and you see how a small matter affects me?!
Ahhhhhh... He's driving me crazy~~ I feel like building a wall to stay away from relationship so that I dont get hurt. He cant compare me to him... That's just me... I always feel the need to protect myself from getting hurt. Because the last time i break the wall and open up, moved over, I've got immensely hurt. I know he was hurt too. But that doesnt mean I hafta handle things his way right?

I mean he's a great guy, indeed. But like I said, I'm getting phobia.. He's gotta do more to convince me.. If this is what he wants, what we decided to do, we hafta work it out not just on talking terms...

Sigh. I complained too much? I'm sorry... Just hafta make myself feel better... and Im getting tired cuz it's 2.45am already.. Shouldnt sleep so late so often. College's goina start soon. How am I goina get up?!? Ahaks.

Alright.. I'm goina put a smile on my face and hit the sack. =) Nights. Sweet dreams.