what do I want in life?

How do I want to walk down the path as I age? Which route would I wana choose?

The road not taken? Perhaps be a superwoman and explore the Universe like I always dreamt of?
Or just a simple blissful life with my loved ones around and ask for nth else, like I always dreamt of too?

Thing is, like what I've been telling myself lately, the future is not in our hand to judge, the past dwelves in our memories, so just appreciate every moment we have right now because we'll never know what's goina happen at the very next second.
But what I do and decide today will impact my future. And it's not the small lil things. It's about how I am going to live at least the next half of my life.

Do I really wana be an engineer? Or do I wana become an astronaut in order to seek an answer to my questions? Or do I wana get involve in what I like to do most, sth creative, or sth to do with organizing and planning? Or do I wana just run a small business by the beach or high up in the hill with lots and lots of relaxation?

So, what do I want?

What do I really want? It's so contradicting and I'm still thinking why am I sitting for a Physics paper tomorrow. Lol. I guess it doesn't really matter "why" now... I've chose to take up A-level, so I guess I have my responsibilities to finish what I am to finish. I guess same goes to the next half of my life. Like my dad once said, 'There's nothing much to regret about. What happened has happened.' If it's what you chose to do, I guess you should have been aware of the various possible consequences.

In life, there are so much of temptations and distractions. Just like I am suppose to go through my physics right now, but I'm not. Instead, I am here blogging. Lol. What the hell...

Living up to my dreams of seeking an answer to answer my curiousity from the Universe sounds honourable and at the same time, risky and almost impossible.
Living up to my dreams of living blissfully with my loved ones sounds amazing, but humans are never contented. So am I able to live a simple life w/o asking for more?
Living up to my dreams of being a superwoman and earn lots of money to indulge myself, sounds tempting... But, what about my dream of reaching out to the poverty and the helpless ones? Isn't it unfair if I'm indulging when they suffer?

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He may not have went all the way to hk to buy me a CD j'adore perfume and give me RM1 every single time we meet, he may have got me so impatient waiting for him sometimes and made me down sometimes, BUT he loved me for all I am and I know he would do anything to put a smile on me just like how I would. That's all that matters. =)

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Okay, actually I'm pretty blur right now and FREAK!! I havent even finish a single paper from the physics past year which I've been doing since afternoon! Ah!
and I'm feeling sleepy already...... Sigh.

I hope I still can ace my physics... but I'm not really doing anything... Ah, I don't know... I just don't want to dissappoint my parents. But I guess life's like that, sometimes you just hafta do what you don't like to do. It's not a choice.