灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了 滴下的眼泪已停不住了 天下起雨了 人是不快乐 我的心真的受伤了


你哭也没用…… 睡吧孩子，这只是暂时而以。
一切都会好的...

当你最需要帮忙的时候，得到的只是
“你们得更努力！”
“加油。”

脑海里是充满了满满的回音：
“我们还不够努力吗？”
“不是一直都说我们很棒的吗？”
“被逼走到悬崖的我们，不求你给我们天与地，只求你一绳子，凭我们自己的能力去挣回我们比所有别的都更值得拥有的绳子... 哪怕是个细的，我们也会有办法用它爬上高峰...”
“而你们都只是那几句，我们该做而都做了的东西... 说了等于没说的话...”

而我的回应也只能是—沉默。


你...明白那种感受吗？

I really feel like giving up...

em etam dekchec tsuj atl

Sigh. I just wanna be able to married like any other ordinary girl, enjoying the process and not having to worry about financial unstabilities...

Save me pls?😢

3am. I can't sleep.

My heart aches cos it's all the hard earned savings for my wedding that me & my parents are putting together to help pull through this.

I tried watching as many motivational videos, emotional videos to help vent it all out.
But no amount of videos could suppress or heal that feeling.

I never wanna touched my parents money and when I had to, you know how I really had no other means. The feeling of watching my bank account depleting week by week is also very helpless.

Dear God, should I be praying for miracle to happen?
It's not that we didn't try, but so many leads at early stage of the funnel.

Give me guidance & wisdom please. 🙏 Some luck too perhaps?

Is that all we are worth?
I don't believe so.

#WeAreFighters

打不死的蟑螂。

Alone at The Stamford Brasserie. Waiting for le fiancé while doing my work.

Sometimes I feel so lonely despite having all these people around me. These nights I sleep as though I was thrown into a bottomless ocean that I'm just struggling, kicking, waddling to stay alive and afloat.

I know that it's the anxieties getting into me despite my constant efforts reminding myself to count my blessings for all my loved ones are around me and that the company is still operating. But it's such bodily reaction that sometimes I couldn't suppress and I just need a hideout place or look for an outlet to vent.

There there, hang in there. I know we will pull through this. 还有什么更难的，我们没有经历过？
Besides, what'e the worst that can happen? Probably just starting all over again right?

我有信心 我们会像以往那样 一关过一关。我们是打不死的蟑螂。

En route to Sacramento

 This trip to SF, unlike the first and last one before this, had a little more space and time to digest, sink in a lil bit more.

Just watched an episode of 我是演员 at boyboy's hse. One particular line that struck me was to "lose yourself & be that role", how it's about making the character so believable that the audience see you as the character instead of you.

The BBC (Billionaire Boys Club) movie's paradox theory..

There's just lots crossing through my mind right now, I wish there's a voice recorder inside my brain cos thoughts just cross my mind way faster than I can type... Lol 😅

Determined to get through this. Land grab and sell, let's do itttt

Good day to catch up on lost time, loved ones

Been having that migraine and vomit thing again for the past 2 days, but this time it's milder.
Learning how to heed to my body's call. It's a sucky feeling when the migraine hits, like I just couldn't get up to do things but yet my head is spinning with all the list of things to be done.
Horrible horrible.

But yesterday was pretty much resting even though I went to office, managed to do some laundry and cleaning at home - FINALLY.

Anw, purpose of this post is not to whine but instead, to share the good feelings. I noticed that usually I turned to this blog when I need to vent frustrations or negative feelings. But I think - it doesn't have to be that way. And I'd like to record some of my positive feelings as well.

Today started on a good note, had a long phone call with T, albeit some tears here and there - I do have a good feeling that something's gonna work out this time. And I hope I can help to do at least a little to make it work.

We have a to-do-list:
1. Scanned copies of MRIs and doctor letters/descriptions, if any

2. Compile research articles about growth in spine

3. List down specialists that we would wanna write letters to

4. Confirm appointment with UH - let's see what's their take and if need ops, whether they are open to us inviting specialists to KL for 'research collaboration'

The next good news that came in, B managed to conquer the Ultra Marathon - so proud of her!! It's sth that she has been really wanting to do and to be able to finish it, gosh. Can imagine how much emotions is gushing through her. I feel it for her too 💪

My man is away on  biz trip but distance kinda make the heart grew fonder. Just taking time to make my coffee and continuing my laundry, processing the feelings - all these, already felt like a bliss.

And tonight going to have dinner with DLDS.

Ah. Just letting these seep in and kicking away all the thoughts about work - feels good.

**************

On a side note, looking back at the past 2 posts, hey Telepod is going international now and the team has grown. Kinda outgrew the space we have 😅

All that stress and mess - we can conquer it too, just like how we always have. There there, we're all good and keep hustling ayte? 💪