It's been a while

Haha, currently, room's a lil crowded. But i like this feeling. 4 people staying cozy in one room.

All i love dearly :)

Ok la, really lots of procrastinated work. Keep trying to clear.

Wanted to join Chyi they all go bai bai gonggong but it's ok, i'll go next week.

I miss family, home, Malaysia.

And suddenly, and sometimes i think of you.
Not all the time, in fact, hardly these days. But right now, is one of the times.

I enjoyed senior camp. And am happy to get to know more about people that I dont really know and of course to get to know new people as well. Being in Predators, feels comfortable :)

Im slowly getting used to less sleep. I guess, it's in a way, good?
But my whole body still sores from the camp.

I took leave today. Partly cos I'm drained after days of not enough sleep from work and camp.
And I haven't fixed the job given to me! God damn it, anybody good with excel VBA codes?

As long as I don't get it fixed, I won't have a peace of my mind!

This morning, joyce's fridge which has been left outside my room was stolen.
sigh, pek chek. Just when I thought I could finally do my work and get a good rest.

I just feel down la.. And no doubt laziness creeps in, but I've been trying to clear my workload from time to time. Just getting tired. Haha, but it's quite ridiculous to ask for a break when I just got back from a short break lately right?

Superwoman needs a shoulder. Just for a while.

I can deal with this.

Yes I can.

Truth is, I feel the workload piling up and not helped. :( And dealing with my emotional roller-coaster ride.
I guess the more workload chasing you, the more u feel like running away from responsibilities. But I can't do just that right?

I don't like to portray myself being weak but when I feel weak, I do hope someone's there for me.
But I just wouldn't tell anyone about how I'm feeling. Not when I'm having bad times.

Lol, has it ever happened to u? Hoping that people will magically know how u're feeling w/o u telling? N they'd come to u and make sure u feel better? I guess it happens to everyone.. Right?

Am sad

Took my blood test report earlier and got to know that my hyperthyroid relapse. AGAIN.

In my mind I was thinking, oh no.. have to take medicine again? that means gain weight again? aihz. I dont like to be under medication.

To my surprise, doctor looked at the report and said, "You may wana consider surgery?"

There was a 2nd option, radioisotope.

I asked the doctor about the risks.

For surgery, you'll get a scar and cos it's cutting near the throat and there's a nerve which links to voice box or sth. If accidentally cut the nerve, I may lose my voice. But if I get a good surgeon, it shouldnt be a big problem.

For radioisotope, there's a very small risk I'll get cancer since it's radioactive treatment.

Or I guess I can just keep taking medicine and monitor like how I've always done it? Just that it won't heal la..

I thought I've been well in control thus far, in terms of handling emotions and matters. Until I realize I'm actually having my hyperthyroid again, then I can feel the goitre doing its trick.

I guess, mind matters?

I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid I don't have hyperthyroid

Industrial Attachment a.k.a. Internship!

1st day - Not bad! :)
2nd day - Overwhelming!
3rd day - Ok, things are starting to get serious.
4th day - Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy!
5th day - Starting to get the drift :)

My parents think I have poor money management.

And for me to think of changing my passbook account to debit card account, my dad think it's immature.

What?

I actually told them to see what's their opinion. And I dont know how this leads to immaturity.

When you feel bad, you just have to think of reasons not to feel so.

Been wanting to blog.. You can expect this post to be another wordy post cos I am so lazy to upload photos. Tonnes of photos in camera but none uploaded to facebook either.

Just as most of you know, I'm back in Malaysia and am going back to Singapore soon.
From exams to part-time job to EID to Vietnam to Malaysia, many juicy lil things happened.
To think of it, it's pretty overwhelming, I don't know where to start!
Nothing BIG happened. The only thing is that I felt different, from how I was before this.

To be honest, I don't know when did it started. My birthday? Or after? No idea.
It's as if someone implanted a seed in my soul to be acting and feeling this way.
You could say I'm feeling matured. It's this strong feeling in me. It's not sth I'm trying to be.

You know how you used to think you're matured when you're 18?
And how you want to prove to your parents or the adults that you ARE matured?
Acting as if you are so matured and pissed at your parents because they still think that you aren't matured enough to handle things?

Yeah.. Nothing like that. No longer like that, at least. How would I put it?
I'd say, it's as if you see a different light. The way you view certain matters and the way you respond to it.

Most of my friends felt the difference when they're around me. But I guess they could get use to it.

**************************************************************************

LATEST ADDICTION (been playing it repeatedly):

在很久很久以前
你拥有我
我拥有你
在很久很久以前
你离开我
去远空翱翔
外面的世界很精彩
外面的世界很无奈
当你觉得外面的世界很精彩
我会在这里衷心的祝福你
每当夕阳西沉的时候
我总是在这里盼望你
天空中虽然飘着雨
我依然等待你的归期
在很久很久以前
你拥有我
我拥有你
在很久很久以前
你离开我
去远空翱翔
外面的世界很精彩
外面的世界很无奈
当你觉得外面的世界很无奈
我还在这里耐心的等着你
每当夕阳西沉的时候
我总是在这里盼望你
天空中虽然飘着雨
我依然等待你的归期
我依然等待你的归期

In my context, 我 is HOME, it's here and it's you. 你 is me. Felt like this song is on a replaying mode whenever I'm at home.
*****************************************************************************

Lately, been worried about my brother. I think friends of mine who are the eldest child in the family are normally concerned about their younger siblings. It's a responsibility we tend to carry.

So if you're younger siblings, don't let your family worry about you ya?

Couple of stuff happened. Me. For my friend as well. I could relate to them.

We want what's best for the younger ones, but how do we know what's best?

My dad told me, if they hadn't told me what they told me back when I was 18,
will I be able to enjoy these much of freedom w/o worrying about tied down by relationships etc.
Well, that wasn't his exact phrase. But that's more or less what he meant.
What my parents do not know is that they were partially the cause of my complicated relationship which haunted me for quite a while.
They wanted what's best for me. But how do they know what's best for me?

A lot of things, adult learn by experience and mistakes.
They don't want their children to repeat their mistakes.
But some things, sometimes, it's just part and parcel of life.
It's just growing up. It's not sth you can or should stop it from happening to your loved ones.

Sometimes, caring for your loved ones means letting them fall and learn how to stand up and move forward. Caring is not holding their hands tight and not let go. So if they're off the ground and you insist to hold their hands tight and not let go, it's almost as if leaving them hanging in the air and disabling them from foot holding the ground.

Let go. Let them fall. And they crawl and they stand. Then, you encourage them to move forward.

Let them know, that you'll be there.

My friend, you get what I mean right?
We can't do much. Decision is theirs.

All we can do is light up the paths when they're in their darkest moments.