I'm giving up on you... Sigh yes, I can't feel your effort and I really don't think it's worth it anymore.

What Will You Create to Make the World Awesome?

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy Don't give up on me, baby

You have no idea how relieved I felt. Yeah, for the first time, we actually let it out.
I feel like I'm finally true to my feelings, those that I've been trying to bury for the past whole year.

I had to heal, you see. No matter how or what, I had to. It was hard and painful but life goes on.
But all those unanswered questions really kept me hanging on the string no matter how much I struggle to lift myself up.

Yeah so today was like digging out the core which I've been trying to bury deep in a corner of my heart.
Every time I was reminded about it, I pour more sand on it to bury it deeper until it got so heavy.
So deep, sometimes I forgot why I'm feeling so heavy.

Digging it out makes me feel so much lighter, as if I got rid of all the sand that fill the weight.

It is but a hollow core waiting for answers to be filled into it.

And finally its purpose fulfilled.

and I ask for nth more.

Indeed, that was all I needed.

You ask yourself why would you fall for a jerk?
And you thought you really like a person so much so that you find it difficult to fall for someone else?

Well.. you just haven't met enough people to meet 'him'/'her' yet.

Strange isn't it?

How was it even possible to fall for someone from a different world?

and not knowing someone enough to fall for him/her but you just did?

How is that possible? :/

So I was looking for inspiration on what to write for MAE year book and I remembered I wrote down my thoughts and feelings on pieces of paper and tuck them in somewhere.

Yeah cos there were a lot of things that I didn't want to be reminded of but it's about time.
Haha and one of it goes like this:

Remember you said,
"No matter what happens, I should be thankful that he helped me moved on" ?
Remember you said,
"This is not what I want in a long term and I am prepared for the consequences" ?
So yeah it doesn't matter anymore.

I think that it's good to write your thoughts and feelings out on pieces of paper especially when you know you're at a stage where you're not so rational or too engrossed? Rather than spilling 'em all out to people around? Write as if you're throwing it all out at the person you want to say 'em to. Tuck 'em all at a corner which you'll hardly access as if you're letting go.

Months later, when I look back, I actually don't feel the agony anymore. I smiled looking at what I wrote. And I see things clearer. :)


One last thing to say for this post:

Sometimes we're so focused on people who do not care, we forgotten that people we truly care about are just around us. We breathe them in and out so much so that they've become such convenience to be taken for granted.

I just wana express my appreciation to people I love, my family and friends. I know my family won't be reading this but Bobo & Vincent, if you're reading this, thank you, truly. :)

One day when I have kids, I will tell them,

"Don't let the way people look at you shape you. 

You determine who you are, yourself."

Walk away, for real.

Hmm yeah I was PMS-ing yesterday. :/ But still..!


Anyways, on Umano today:
10 Little Habits that Steal Your Happiness


Note to self, point #9:

Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.  When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don’t care about you.  It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary medicine.  Do NOT strive to impress them any further.  Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them.  Nothing needs to be proven.  Do not act with any thought of them ever again. 

The thing is you should have figured out by now that he is truly not the one for you, don't ya think?
That there will be someone more deserving? Someone who deserves your care, your attention, your love as much as he provides you and together you both will help each other grow?

And this dude is definitely not the one.

You don't fuckin' get multiple reentry permit into my life. Argh. I swear this is gona be the last time you walk in and out of my life. NO MORE!

Damn it, I hate how I am always still nice to you.